Screwed
by MinnieBSB
Summary: The lives of our favorite detectives are turned upside down in yet another take of the episode "Wildlife". What if Olivia's plan backfires?
1. Look At Me

**AN: Hello my lovely peeps! I've been working on this story for a while and I'm excited to finally start posting it. I have several chapters completed and ready to post, so let's get the show on the road! I'd love to hear from you. I hope you enjoy and have a great day. **

**I do not own Law and Order SVU or the characters. **

Now

She hadn't looked at him all week.

No, she hadn't looked at him all , she looked at him when they were discussing a case, but not when he asked her how she was doing. Her eyes would lock onto the nearest object while she lied, claiming that she everything was fine.

Selfishly, he needed her here. He hadn't told her yet, but he was going through quite a bit himself. That's without mentioning what had happened between them a month and a half ago…Every time he tried to tell her, she would magically have something to do or somewhere to be.

He needed her to look at him.

Olivia snuck a glance at Elliot as he drove to the hospital to meet Heather. It was the only way she could do it, when he couldn't look back at her. Elliot could read her eyes like a book, and she wasn't ready to give him a preview of the next chapter.

"I can see you out of the corner of my eyes" He informed with a bit of a grin. "You ready to talk about it? Or are we going to pretend that it didn't happen for another month?"

For a moment, she had felt bad for giving him the cold shoulder every time he tried to get her to open up, but that comment alone was enough for her to be reminded of exactly why she didn't want to talk to him. Throwing him a bone, she closed the conversation with "Maybe after work", meaning never.

"He made me call him Daddy" Heather explained with the blank stare that Olivia was all too familiar with. If you didn't look at them, they couldn't see your pain.

"Where did he keep you?" She carefully asked, trying to stay professional. The girl's pain was obvious, and she wanted nothing more than to tell her that they would catch the bastard, that everything would be okay, but she couldn't.

"In a concrete room".

For the first time in a while, Olivia shared a glance with Elliot, willingly. He knew what she was asking him to do.

"Do you know where? Do you have an address?" He pressed further upon Olivia's silent request.

"I don't know" She sighed.

They took her to the hospital to have her examined, holding any further questioning off until it was complete. Once the exam was done, they went to the station. It would be easier to get her full statement without her whole family around. Olivia watched as Elliot practically doused himself in hand sanitizer, but she decided not to ask any questions. They made sure that Heather was as comfortable as one could be in a time like this as they settled in the interview room to finish taking her statement.

Olivia's heart broke with every question, as it always did, but something felt different this time. This monster kept her locked in a concrete room in the basement for years. All she had was a mattress and a bathtub that wasn't even connected to anything. He used a garden hose to bathe her like a dog. "What did you use for a toilet?" Elliot asked.

Heather's eye twitched a bit as she prepared to tell them. "A lawn chair with the seat cut out over a bucket".

Olivia could only imagine the shame and embarrassment this girl had experienced over that very lawn chair. That wasn't the only thing she could imagine though. For some reason she couldn't stop herself from imagining the smell. A wave of nausea crashed over her as she struggled to push the thought away. She took a couple of deep breaths to calm her stomach, which didn't go unnoticed by Elliot. Just when she thought she was in the clear, a second wave hit even harder.

"Detective?" Elliot asked, his way of checking on her on the job. The next thing he knows she's pushing past him, practically running out of the room and down the hall.

"Excuse me for a moment" He said as he ducked out of the room, hoping Munch would keep an eye on Heather.

He spotted Olivia in the middle of the squadroom, hunched over the trash can by her desk. He hadn't seen Olivia react like this since their very first case together. She heaved several times, only stopping when her stomach was completely empty. Something was definitely up.

"Hey" He whispered as he came up behind her. She rested her forehead against her clasped hands while her elbows sat on the edge of the bin. Gently, he let his hand touch her back, rubbing a few small circles before pulling it away. He had to remind himself that they were not alone, and although no one else knew what had happened to them, he didn't need anyone making accusations. "You okay?"

She nodded, unsure of what to say. Of course she wanted to tell him. She'd have to tell him eventually.

"I'm just going to change the bag" She mumbled, kicking herself.

"_I'll tell him tonight" _She told herself.

She would try.

They drove around the city for hours trying to jog her memory. All she had to go off of was the smell of flowers as she ran by and a funeral home being on the corner of the road. It was dark when she escaped and he wasn't wearing a uniform. They had pushed her a little too hard, causing her to have a meltdown and beg to go home. Olivia felt awful. Heather was clearly struggling to function, jumping at any loud noise and beating herself up for getting confused. So they took her home, but not without an unexpected appearance from the press.

When Elliot pulled up to the station, he turned off the car and turned to her expectantly.

"What?"

"Are we going to talk about it tonight?"

She had forgotten about her half-assed agreement to hash things out after work. "I don't know El, I'm still not feeling one hundred percent" She trailed off.

"Well then there's something else I need to talk to you about" Elliot said with a seriousness that she couldn't ignore.

"Fine".


	2. The Act

AN: Thank you for the interest and support for the first chapter! I hope you enjoy and have a great day!

_Then_

_"Call Kathy" Olivia ordered as she handed him her cellphone. "If you don't then you'll be safer here than you will be at home".There were footsteps on the other side of the door and then the doorknob started to jiggle._

_"You need to get out of here. If they see you we're dead" Elliot whispered, shoving her cellphone back into her hands. He couldn't be caught with that in his possession._

_She ran up the stairs right as the front door burst open, her heart pounding so hard that she feared it would pop out of her chest. There was nowhere to hide. She had trapped herself like a damsel in a horror movie, and she had to come up with a plan, fast. She hid in the bathroom while she thought. Elliot's voice was growing louder and louder. They were close. She whipped off her shirt and flushed the toilet._

_"Act like you're supposed to be here" She told herself._

_She opened the bathroom door, channeling her inner sex kitten as she sauntered over to Elliot. Hopefully they wouldn't notice that she was shaking._

_Thank God she wore her fancy bra today._

_"Are you ready for me daddy? Oh, didn't know we were having a party. That's gonna be a hundred to watch, two-fifty to join, each" She practically purred as she wrapped her arms around Elliot's waist, burying her face into his neck. "Just go with it" She whispered into his ear before trailing open-mouth kisses down his neck._

_Admittedly, she had fantasized about being with Elliot, but it was never in a dark, old house with two angry men threatening to kill them._

_"Guy's gotta eat, huh?" He joked with a nervous chuckle. He tentatively ran his hands down her sides, resting them on her ass._

_"Why so tense?" She asked, running her hands along his muscular back. She needed him to try to relax, or Bushido and Tybor were going to see right through their act and blow their brains out._

_Olivia knew that he was thinking of Kathy and the kids, but there was a good chance that he would never see them again if he didn't play along._

_Bushido reached into his pocket, pulling out a wad of cash. "Two hundred" He said, throwing the money at her. "We don't want to miss the show"._

_She felt like she was going to throw up. They weren't supposed to say that. Bushido was supposed to kick her out and remind "Mike" that he was there for business, not pleasure. Elliot cupped her face, looking deep into her eyes. He understood what had to be done, and he was telling her that it would be okay. He leaned in, kissing her deeply._

_"Oh no, no, no" Bushido scolded. "You promised a show, now give us a show sweetheart" He said as he grabbed her arm, pulling her away from Elliot._

_"There's no music" Elliot stammered, trying to find a way out of it._

_"That's alright, big daddy. I don't need music to do my dance" She said with a wink. "Sit back and enjoy the show boys". She wore a sugar sweet smile, desperately trying to stay in character. She had done strip routines for boyfriends before, but the stakes were never this high and in those situations she was doing it for her own enjoyment too. First thing she had to do was set her stage. Bushido and Tybor stood on one side of the room and Elliot sat on the edge of the bed on the opposite side._

_"Off my stage boys, please take your seats and enjoy the show" She gestured to the bed where Elliot was sitting as she kicked off her shoes._

_"She's feisty. Good find Mike" Bushido congratulated._

_Elliot could only nod as he watched his partner take her place in the center of the room, turning her back to them. It felt so wrong, watching as his partner swayed her hips to the beat of an imaginary song. To the left, to the right, to the left, to the right. Simply mesmerizing. Her hands ran up the sides of her body slowly, almost too slow for his liking. He wanted to know where she was going._

_"Come on, Liv. You have to look at them at some point" She told herself, running her hands through her hair in the most seductive way she could manage. Using the momentum of her swaying hips, she turned herself around to face her adoring (or felonious) audience. Her eyes immediately found Elliot's, locking stares to try to block out the other two tucked her thumbs into the band of her pants, giving them the tiniest glimpse of her panties._

_"Take them off" Tybor howled, earning himself an elbow from Bushido._

_"Oh, these?" She asked with a coy smile. As swiftly as she could, she undid the button and zipper of her pants. Knowing how much Elliot loved her ass, she turned her back to them once more. Arching her back ever so slightly, she peeled her pants off her body, hearing the three men cheer. Olivia sashayed over to the men, falling to her knees before Elliot. As luck would have it, her hair fell into her face, giving him the opportunity to brush it behind her ear._

_"You're not a fan of not being able to touch, are you?" She asked him with a wicked smile. He shook his head, unable to find his was just an act, a very good one at that. Her hands gently rested on his knees as she leaned forward. "Then maybe you could help me take this off? The clasp is right here" She pointed to the little black clasp in between her breasts. Her hands slid to his upper thighs, eliciting a sharp breath from him. One wrong move and her hand would be right-_

_Her thought was interrupted by Bushido's booming voice to her left._

_"Do it Mike, or I will"._

_Elliot surprised everyone by wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her into his lap. Their lips met in a hungry kiss, and for a fraction of a second, Olivia was able to put the two men out of her head._

_"Excuse me, but we're gonna need you two to move" Elliot said, shooing them away. They did as he was asked, taking their original places by the door. Her heart was beating even faster now, realizing that her strip tease had been the easiest part of the ordeal. This was completely new territory for them, and to explore it in these circumstances…_

_Elliot coaxed Olivia to lie down on her back, using his own body to shield her from their prying eyes._

_His way of protecting her._

_"We're gonna be okay", his whispered promise in her ear comforted her enough to keep going with their act._

_"I don't want to see you" Bushido nearly shouted in protest._

_"Hey, I'm paying her to do what I want. My girl, my choice"._

_He leaned down and kissed her again as he tugged at her panties, deciding that they could leave her bra on. "I'm sorry" He mouthed as he pulled them down. This wasn't supposed to happen to them._

_"We're gonna be ok" She whispered one last time._

_Bushido kicked her out the second they were done. Elliot gave her a quick kiss and another whispered apology as Tybor pulled her out of the room and down the hall still naked with the exception of her bra. Bushido grabbed her clothes and followed them out. He tossed her the clothes and watched as she pulled on her panties. As much as she wanted to punch him in the face, she had to stay in character._

_"Hope I see ya again sugar" She said with a wink. "Behind bars" She added in her head. Bushido grinned and stepped towards her. Before she knew what was happening she was shoved outside and her clothes scattered on the front lawn while the door slammed behind her._

_Lovely._

_She covered herself the best she could as she ran around and gathered the rest of her clothes. The door burst open again and her shoes flew through the air, crashing on the ground next to her._

_"Thanks sugar!" She yelled, but "Go to hell" was what she really wanted to say. Once she had all of her belongings she ran to the squad car and started to get dressed. She had eyes on the house, trying to watch as she struggled to get herself together. Right as her shirt blocked her view, she could hear squealing tires._

_They were moving._

_"Shit" She cursed as she fixed her shirt. The shoes would have to wait. She had a perp to follow._

_"Elliot!"_

_She pushed through the crowd and dropped to her knees. He had been hurt on the job before but this was different. He was struggling to stay conscious and all he could say was "Bushido" and one weak "Liv". She radioed for a bus, but all she could think about was how this was all her fault. If she would have minded her own business she never would have talked to Kathy. Then she never would have compromised Elliot's cover by going to his "house". She put them both at risk over a marital spat that she had no right to involve herself in. She ruined their partnership, their friendship, and probably his marriage._

_Would he tell Kathy what happened tonight? How could he share a bed with her with a secret like that laying between them?_

_"I'm sorry" She cried as the medics arrived._

_She would find a way to make things right._


	3. Waiting Room

_Then_

_Olivia sat in the waiting room, knowing that she was staring into space, but she couldn't stop it. With an exhausted body and an emotionally wrecked mind, all she could do was stare into space and hate herself. It was hard to decide what the worst part of the night was, sleeping with Elliot in hopes of protecting him from Bushido, or calling his wife and telling her that her husband was shot, twice. _

_Despite all of the open seats in the waiting area, Kathy sat in the one right next to Olivia. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she leaned back, closing her eyes to give them a break from the harsh fluorescent lights. "This is not what I meant when I said I wanted a night without the kids" Kathy sighed with the beginnings of a smile. She opened her eyes and sat upright, turning her attention to Olivia. _

"_Can I ask you something?" The blonde started. _

"_Of course" Olivia answered, hoping that Kathy couldn't tell how uncomfortable she was. _

"_I know that you and Elliot are close, but does he ever tell you what we fight about?" _

_It felt like a trap. If she told her the truth, Kathy could take it as Olivia working as a double agent, both helping and hurting their marriage; but if she said no, she'd know that Olivia was lying. The worst part was that she knew why Kathy was asking. _

"_He has a few times" Olivia chose to answer truthfully. Elliot vented to her about their problems several times, but he had only told her Kathy's real problem once. Kathy had accused him of sleeping with Olivia. She didn't believe that they were just partners. The way that he would confide in Olivia made Kathy suspicious. She would refer to Olivia as his "work wife" and not in a friendly manner. _

_Kathy uncrossed her arms, reaching one hand out to grab Olivia's. "I owe you an apology then. I'm sorry for insinuating that you would sleep with my husband, or any married man for that matter. It's just that you're so smart, and you-you're the type of woman that men want, you know? I guess that instead of talking about the real problems in our marriage that it was easier for me to blame them on you. It wasn't fair of me to do that. You have done so much for not only Elliot, but my family over the years". A few stray tears raced down Kathy's face. "You helped me bring Eli into this world and today you convinced me to give Elliot another chance. I see why you two are so close. It's because you're one of the few genuinely good people in this world". _

_Olivia felt like she had been hit by a truck. She couldn't let go of the air in her lungs, but she wasn't taking anymore in either. After years of arguments and bitter remarks about her, Kathy chooses today of all days to let it all go? _

"_There's no need to apologize" Olivia managed to force out after a moment. "Why don't we all just take this as an opportunity to move forward and leave the past in the past?" Olivia proposed, knowing that she would never be able to let go of the guilt of having sex with Elliot, even if it was forced in an undercover operation. _

"_I'd like that" Kathy nodded. The tears started to fall harder and Olivia awkwardly broke her hold, using her now free hand to squeeze her shoulder. "I'm so scared" Kathy cried. _

"_Elliot will be okay" Olivia attempted to reassure, even though she didn't know that for sure herself. There had been so much blood..._

"_I need him to be" Kathy sobbed. "I haven't had a chance to tell him yet" She said as she furiously wiped her tears. _

"_You're pregnant?" _

_Kathy shook her head. "I have cancer"._

"_Detective Benson?" A voice called out, making Olivia jump. Kathy let go of Olivia's hand, quickly standing up._

"_That's me" She said as she found the doctor. Her stomach dropped. "Is El-I mean Detective Stabler okay?" _

"_One bullet went through and through. It missed vital organs ",The doctor started, calming Olivia's nerves the slightest bit. "I extracted the other that was lodged in his bicep"._

"_So you think he'll make a full recovery?" She asked, shocked that he had such a good prognosis. _

"_He's already asked to go home. Twice" The doctor said with an amused smile. He started to walk away, but stopped and turned towards her after a few steps. "Oh, and he's been asking for you". _

_Kathy turned to her and gave her an encouraging smile, trying to tell her that she understood. Elliot asked for Olivia, not her. _

"_Kathy"_

_The blonde shook her head. "Olivia I'm not mad. Let me know how he is"._

"_You were supposed to duck" She teased with a small smile,handing him a rolled up magazine. He was sitting up and wide awake, the exact opposite of how she had found him on the side of the road. _

"_You were supposed to leave" He fired back, but it was more of a prod than a poke. She was relieved that she was able to engage in their normal banter despite the world crashing down around her. "Liv, I'm sorry that we-"_

"_It never happened" She cut him off, changing the mood of the room. _

"_Olivia" He called when she turned to leave. _

"_Tonight never happened". _


	4. Plastic

**AN: Thank you so much for the support! I'm glad you're liking it so far and curious to see where it's going. I think everyone will be suuuuuper shocked by what happens in this chapter. I don't plan on doing a note at the beginning of every chapter, but I just wanted to let you know that I don't plan on going back into the episode "Stranger". I was just using it to establish a timeline. I hope you enjoy and have a great day! **

They silently walked to their usual after-work spot, and it wasn't a comfortable silence. Any time their shoulders brushed she would put a foot or two between them, mumbling an apology. He was trying to be understanding, but it was hard for him to come to terms with the fact that eleven years of partnership, no, friendship could end up in such a strained place. Somehow, his hand accidentally brushed hers and her head whipped around so fast that it actually scared him.

"I'm sorry" She nearly whispered, shaking her head. This wasn't the badass Olivia Benson that he knew. The Olivia he knew was confident and bold, never apologizing for taking up space.

Elliot opened the door for her, trying to show her that even though things were tense right now, he was still her friend. Even though that was a lot to communicate by doing the simplest of acts. If words weren't working, it was the best he had. She offered him a small smile, looking him directly in the eyes. Progress.

Olivia went to sit at the bar, but he nodded towards a booth in the far corner. She followed him despite her mind telling her to turn around and run, sliding in without a word. They grabbed the menus that were tucked into the stand at the end of the table, but neither of them even opened them. She was too nervous to eat, and by the look on his face, so was Elliot.

"I know that we've been going through a bit of a rough patch" Elliot started, "but I could really use my best friend right now". She could count the number of times that she had seen Elliot get emotional on one hand, but here he was, nearly breaking down before her. "Kathy has breast cancer". Ever the macho man, he quickly composed himself and looked at Olivia expectantly, waiting for her to say something, anything.

She bit her cheek, knowing that she was about to be caught in the middle of their marriage yet again. "I'm sorry" She sighed, staring down at the table. He knew her better than she knew herself at times, which was not a good thing in this situation.

"You don't sound surprised".

"Elliot-"

"You already knew" He said, shaking his head in disbelief. "When the hell did you-"

"The night of the _incident_" She cut him off. "Kathy and I were in the waiting room and she was so upset...I don't know why she told me right then but she asked me not to say anything to you".

Elliot crossed his arms over his chest, visibly frustrated. "So you knew and decided not to say anything to me?"

Olivia threw her hands up in frustration. " It wasn't a _decision_.She asked me not to say anything until _you_ said something to me. What was I supposed to do?" Being thrown into the middle of their marriage was exhausting, and she hated the feeling, but she knew that this was only the beginning.

They were cut off by the waitress stopping by their table to get their drink orders, which was a blessing in disguise because it gave them a moment to cool down.

"I'm sorry" Elliot mumbled.

"Me too".

They sat in silence until the waitress returned with their drinks and took their food order. Olivia knew that she wasn't going to be able to eat anything now, but she would be starving later once her stomach settled.

They started talking about what came next for Kathy, which was a lumpectomy that was scheduled for next Friday. Elliot would be taking off the following Monday and Tuesday to take care of Kathy, and Maureen and Kathleen would alternate days for the rest of the week.

"It's a good thing I have so many kids" He attempted to joke.

Olivia felt herself internally cringe. "Yeah...Good thing".

Olivia was doing her best to stay in the moment and not let her thoughts run, but she couldn't stop thinking about that night. Not only had she slept with another woman's husband, but that woman was battling cancer. Then that same woman poured her heart out to her, apologizing for every false accusation she had ever made, not knowing that she was now right. Things were only going to get worse from here…

For what felt like the millionth time since that night a month and a half ago, Olivia started to panic. Her heart was pounding and her palms were sweaty, feeling like her body was engulfed in invisible flames, Olivia tried to take a sip of her water. The only problem was that the room was spinning and it was too difficult to grab a moving target. The world grew fuzzy, and she could hear Elliot calling her name. She tried to answer him, but the next thing she knew it was lights out.

Elliot tried to catch her as she fell, but he wasn't fast enough. Her body hit the floor with a thud, thankfully she didn't hit her head. Her phone and a couple of other objects flew out of her pocket because of the impact, but he wasn't worried about any of that. He had to make sure that she was okay. He crouched down on the floor, turning her so she was resting on her back. A different waitress ran up to them telling him that she was in nursing school. She rattled off several questions like when was the last time she ate, did she have any medical conditions and so on.

"Not that I know of" Elliot stammered.

"Well she's pregnant" The waitress said matter of factly. She grabbed the piece of plastic that had fallen out of Olivia's pocket and handed it to him. It all started to make sense, the vomiting, pulling away from him, refusing to look him in the eyes.

"El?" Olivia groaned as she came to.

He shoved it in his pocket before helping her to sit up so she could take a few sips of water. Once she was able to stand, he made the executive decision to take their food to go so he could take her home and get her into bed.

"Elliot, I am _fine_. I swear" Olivia insisted as he helped her settle down on the couch. "It's just-"

"The morning sickness making it hard to keep anything down?" He filled in with a stern look on his face.

"What?" She asked, not because she didn't hear him, but because she was confused. Her face fell when he pulled the pregnancy test out of his pocket.

"This fell out of your pocket when you fainted" He explained, handing it back to her. "These don't last very long, so you had to have taken that before we left work".

Olivia could only nod. This was not how she envisioned telling him. "I was going to tell you. That's why I took it, for proof. I knew that you'd want to see it for yourself. Then you started talking about Kathy and I couldn't bring myself to tell you". She looked down at the test, seeing those two little lines again, bringing tears to her eyes. She willed them away, not wanting to cry about it again.

"How long have you known?" He asked, sitting down next to her.

"A week" She answered honestly. "My period was late…" She drifted off, knowing that he had been through this four times before with Kathy. "Elliot, I understand if you don't want anything to do with the baby. You didn't choose this and it's all my fault. You already have so much going on with Kathy and the kids".

"I can't pretend that my kid isn't my kid Olivia".

She expected him to be angry, to yell or punch the wall. She expected him to storm out of her apartment and leave her, but not because that's what Elliot Stabler would do. She expected these things because she felt like that's what she deserved. To her surprise, Elliot wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in for their fourth ever hug, and for the first time since this shit show started, Olivia felt hopeful that everything would be alright.

"I just don't understand why this is happening" She sighed as she pulled away from him. "I was on the pill and I took Plan B the next morning. There's nothing else that I could've done to prevent this...If I had just stayed out of _your_ marriage I could _stay _out of your marriage".

Elliot was feeling guilty. If he had even considered his wife before going undercover, Olivia never would have to swoop in and save their marriage. The fact of the matter was that he let both women could focus on that tonight when he wouldn't be able to sleep.

"Have you been to an obgyn?" He asked, needing to distract himself from his own thoughts.

"Of course, El. We did a blood test to confirm the pregnancy, but my first ultrasound isn't until next week".

"When is it?"

Olivia's eyes went wide as she shook her head. "Elliot I know what you're thinking. You cannot go".

"Olivia this is my child and I-"

"Elliot I understand that but you _can't _come". She saw the exact moment that he put two and two together, dropping his head into his hands and scrubbing his face in frustration.

"It's next Friday, isn't it?" He needlessly asked, knowing damn well that it was. Of course it was. That's how his life was working out at this point, and he shouldn't have expected it to go any differently. "I'm screwed".


	5. Friday

**AN: Thank you so much for all the support and feedback! I really appreciate it. I didn't realize that my lines that I use to make a change of place or perspective weren't actually showing up when published, so I tried something different for this chapter. Let me know if it works! I'm going away for the weekend so this will be the last update until Sunday night or Monday morning. I hope you enjoy!**

Next Friday

Elliot held Kathy's hand as the anesthesiologist slipped the mask over her face, instructing her to take a deep breath and count back from ten.

"Ten...nine...eight" Kathy counted. She started to say the word "seven", but was out before she could finish it. Elliot gave her hand one last squeeze before letting go so that the could wheel her to the operating room. The lead doctor performing the lumpectomy had explained that the surgery itself would take about an hour and a half, and then she'd have another hour or so in recovery before he would be able to see her. Making his way towards the exit, Elliot glanced at his watch, realizing just how little time he had to get across town for Olivia's ultrasound. He could make it if he used the siren, but just barely.

* * *

Olivia laid on the table, patiently waiting for the tech to come in and get things started. She checked her phone for a text from Elliot, but there was still nothing. She couldn't help but be disappointed, even though she understood why he couldn't be there. Kathy needed him, and he needed to be there for her. A soft knock on the door brought her back to reality.

"Good morning . My name is Stephanie and I will be performing your ultrasound" She introduced herself as she grabbed a sheet out of a cabinet on the other side of the room. "I'm going to step out so you remove anything on your lower half. When you're done you can lay back down and cover yourself with this" she explained as she handed Olivia the sheet. The tech excused herself so that Olivia could strip as instructed, but the door opened again a minute later when Olivia was pulling down her panties.

"Elliot!" Olivia screamed, grabbing the sheet and wrapping it around her lower half. Elliot covered his eyes as he apologized.

"I'm sorry,Liv. I didn't even think-"

"It's fine" She insisted as she settled back down on the table, making sure that she was fully covered before giving him the all clear. Elliot took a seat in the chair next to her and the two sat in silence for several moments.

"How's Kathy?" Olivia asked, and she genuinely wanted to know. The last she had heard from Elliot was that Kathy was a nervous wreck. She had gone through childbirth four separate times for five kids, but this was her very first surgery.

"She had a bit of a breakdown before we left the house this morning, but as soon as we got to the hospital she calmed down. The staff was very kind and explained the whole operation to her and I think that helped".

There was a knock on the door which was followed by it opening so Stephanie could peak in. "Are we all ready?" She asked with a cheerful smile. "Oh hi" She greeted when she noticed Elliot. "You must be the daddy! Well, my name is Stephanie and I will be performing the ultrasound. Are you both first timers?"

"I am, he's not" Olivia explained.

"Ok then, let's get this show on the road" She said as she turned on the machine. "Because it's so early on I'm going to insert this into your vagina so we can get a clearer picture of your little miss or mister. Did you drink the recommended amount of water?"

Olivia nodded. "More than".

"Good, now spread 'em".

Olivia turned so that she was looking at Elliot, who instinctively reached out and grabbed her hand. He could see the discomfort on her face as the wand was inserted, but it quickly dissipated. They hadn't spoken much outside of work since the night that he found out she was pregnant. Things were definitely not as strained between them as they had been, but they still weren't back to normal. Elliot was relieved that she didn't pull away from him in disgust, and actually turned to him for comfort.

"Alright, now I need you to lift your top".

Elliot had expected Olivia to let go of his hand, but instead she awkwardly used her free hand to work her shirt up so that it covered her breasts and nothing more.

"Ok, the gel might feel a little cold" Stephanie warned as she squirted some onto Olivia's abdomen, using the doppler to spread it around.

Both Elliot and Olivia's eyes locked on the screen as Stephanie moved around until she found the little blob that was their baby.

"Here we go! Mommy and Daddy, I'd like you to meet your baby".

Olivia had pictured this moment many times throughout her life, and despite the fact that the circumstances surrounding it weren't great, she was happier than she ever thought she could be. She was going to be a mom, which was a dream she had given up on years ago.

"You are eight weeks along, does that sound right?"

They both nodded, still mesmerized by the picture on the screen. "When is the due date?" Elliot asked, earning Olivia's attention.

"Well, based off of what I can see here, the conception date, and the date of 's last menstrual period... We are looking at August twenty-third for the expected due date".

* * *

Olivia handed Elliot one of the pictures as they walked out of the office and to the car. He carefully slid it into his coat pocket wanting to keep it safe. She had taken the subway and walked the rest, but Elliot insisted on driving her to the precinct before heading back to the hospital. He had left about an hour ago, leaving him with an hour and a half to drive Olivia and get back, which was plenty of time.

While she appreciated Elliot's efforts to prove to her that their child would not be a second-class citizen,but she felt guilty for taking away from Kathy in her time of need.

"What was I going to do if I had stayed? Wait for them to call me in to help stitch her up?" He asked as he drove towards the station.

Olivia rolled her eyes at his attempt at a joke. "It's about moral support, El" She sighed, looking out the window.

"I know that, but you have to remember that this is all new to me. I'm only one person that's living two separate lives at the same time. I put myself in this situation, but I need time to adjust".

They hadn't talked about how either of them were feeling in all of this. At least for Olivia, she tried to think like a detective, keeping facts and emotions in two different sections of her mind.

She should have made more of an effort to check in on Elliot because he was obviously struggling with so much on his plate. If she thought her own guilt was bad, his must have been ten times worse. She didn't know what she could say to make it better because the reality of the situation was that there weren't any words that could cure Kathy's cancer, or turn back time.

She wondered how far back he would go if he had the ability to change it all…

He parked down the street from the precinct, not wanting anyone to see him since he was supposed to be with Kathy. The captain had been more than willing to approve his request for time off when Elliot told him what it was for. The whole squad had made their support , he had been presented with a basket of different snacks and gift cards for restaurants near him that the entire unit had chipped in for. It was a small gesture, but it meant the world to the Stablers. Elliot knew that Olivia was the one that orchestrated the whole thing, but she refused to accept any responsibility.

"Thanks for the ride" Olivia said as she unbuckled.

"Hey, Liv" He said, stopping her from going any further. "Thank you for letting me come".

* * *

Elliot rounded the corner, making his way into the waiting area for outpatient surgery.

"Dad!" He heard a voice call. Kathleen was sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the room, and she didn't look happy. He was supposed to be there the whole time, but because Kathleen was supposed to be in class and Maureen was watching Eli, he thought he was in the clear.

"Where the hell have you been?" She asked as he shrugged off his coat and took the seat next to her. "And if you aren't going to wear that can I? It's freezing in here". He wanted to make a comment about her lack of jacket in this weather, but he decided not to poke the bear.

"Cragen couldn't find my paperwork from the Hallander/Vucelik case from last week so I had to go down there and find it. I get down there and it's right on my desk where I said it was" Elliot lied as he handed his daughter the jacket. Kathleen must have believed him though because she laughed and joked about the place falling apart without him and Olivia there. She pulled the coat tight around her body, snuggling into its warmth.

"You know, a hot coffee would probably make me nice and warm" She said, leaning into her father's side and batting her lashes. Kathleen had always been ornery, and he loved that about her. Things had been so much better between them since she started going to therapy and taking her medicine, but they still had a long way to go.

"What do you want?" Elliot asked with a hint of a smile.

"French vanilla cappuccino please!"

Kathleen's hands were shaking because she was so cold. Bringing her hands close to her face, she huffed air on them several times and then shoved them in the pockets of the coat. She felt something brush against her hand, scratching her.

"What the hell?" She whispered as she pulled the picture out of her dad's pocket. Although it was just a blob, she knew exactly what it was. "Awwwee, baby Eli" She cooed. "That's so sweet that he keeps that on him" She said to herself.

But then she saw the date in the upper righthand corner. It was from today.

Then she saw the name. "Olivia Benson? What. The. Hell".

Knowing that her father would be back soon, Kathleen tucked the picture into her purse, hiding it away for later.


	6. Busted

**AN: Thank you all for your continued support! It means a lot to me. I know I said that I wasn't going to update again until tomorrow night, but I wound up bringing my computer with me, so why not? I hope you enjoy and have a great day!**

It was a bitter-cold Sunday afternoon, and Olivia was sitting inside a little diner that she had never been to before, waiting for Kathleen. The young blonde had asked if they could meet for lunch the day before, but Olivia had to cancel because they caught a case and being a man short made it impossible for her to get away. So here she was on her day off, waiting for her partner's daughter. She didn't mind having lunch with Kathleen, but she _hated_ being out this time of year. Christmas was only a week away and even though songs of the season promised children laughing and meeting smile after smile, that certainly wasn't the case for the city. People were too busy last-minute shopping and hating each other to enjoy it.

"Kathleen" She called, waving to get her attention. It was impossible to miss the angered look on her face as she made her way to the booth to join Olivia. There was a bad feeling in the pit of Olivia's stomach, but she brushed it off, assuming that it was morning sickness. "How are you?" She asked, trying to ease the evident tension. Kathleen simply stared at her, refusing to open her mouth. Olivia sighed and ran her hand through her hair, unsure of what she could do. "Can you at least tell me why we're here?"

Kathleen silently rummaged through her purse, grabbing what looked like a picture and put it face down on the table. "I need you to tell me why my dad had this in his pocket" She said, sliding it across the table. Even though Olivia already knew what it was, she flipped it over. It was the photo she had given Elliot from the ultrasound on Friday. As much as she wanted to confess to everything right there and then, it wasn't her place.

"I'm going to call your father".

* * *

"Can I get you anything? A drink? A snack maybe?" Olivia offered to Kathleen, needing to get up from the had been sitting in her apartment waiting for Elliot for a little over ten minutes now. They left the diner only a few minutes after Kathleen arrived, so Olivia paid for her drink and left a generous tip, apologizing for the inconvenience. She gave the keys to Kathleen, asking her to start the car while she called Elliot.

"No thanks" Kathleen responded with that stone-cold look on her face. Olivia had seen that same look on Elliot's face countless times during interrogations, and it felt like she was being interrogated right now.

"So how far along are you?" Kathleen asked.

"Eight weeks" Olivia answered honestly. There was no point in lying about the pregnancy. Kathleen already knew about that. She busied herself look through the cabinets for something to eat.

"Is the father anyone I know? Someone I'm related to maybe?"

Thankfully she didn't have to answer that because Elliot entered her apartment, going right over to Kathleen. Olivia had told him about her attempted ambush, but asked him to keep his cool. Things were only going to get messier if he didn't stay calm.

"You should have come to _me_" He yelled at his daughter.

"El" Olivia said from the kitchen as she closed the cabinet. This certainly wasn't the calm, cool, and collected approached they had talked about on the phone.

"It says _her_ name on it" Kathleen retorted with an annoyed look on her face.

"You found it in my stuff. Why wouldn't you bring it up with me?" He lectured, only stopping when Olivia came over and put her hand on his arm, breaking her own rule and involving herself in their argument.

"Just tell her" She sighed, locking stares with him. He only nodded, taking a seat next to his daughter on the couch.

"I'll give you two some space" She nearly whispered, making her way down the hall towards her bedroom.

"Wait" Kathleen called. Olivia turned around to face the girl. "Can you stay? I know that you'll answer my questions honestly". She didn't want to be a part of this, but that choice was long gone. She came back over to join them on the couch, sitting next to Kathleen who moved so that she was sandwiched between the detectives.

So they told Kathleen everything, sparing no details. Olivia kept her eyes locked on the floor, knowing that he built up tears would start to fall if she looked at either one of them. Even though she knew that her tears were the result of her guilt and hormones, she didn't want them to see her break. As Elliot wrapped up the story, Kathleen turned her attention to Olivia.

"So...you posed as a prostitute so that the Bushido guy wouldn't kill you and the plan backfired when he paid to watch you have sex" Kathleen summarized, waiting for Olivia to correct her if she got something wrong.

"Yes" Olivia sighed, finally looking up at the girl. "I never meant for it to happen. That was such a stupid plan. If I could go back in time and change it…" She trailed off.

The three of them sat in silence for a while, letting Kathleen digest all of the information they had thrown at her. Her anger seemed to have dissipated, which was a good sign.

"I believe you".

"You do?" Elliot asked, shocked that it was that easy. There was no meltdown, no screaming, no accusations, nothing.

Kathleen nodded, "Olivia has never lied to me, and I don't think she'd start now when it matters the most". She wrapped her arms around Olivia, throwing off both detectives. "Thank you for getting my dad here, and I'm sorry for setting you up". She let go of Olivia and turned to her father. "Your secret is safe with me, but not for long. You need to rip off the bandaid and tell mom. She's going through enough already, she certainly doesn't need you lying to her".

"It's not that easy" Elliot started, but was cut off by his daughter.

"I know that, but the longer you lie the worse the fallout will be". She grabbed her purse off of the coffee table and made her way to the door. Looking over her shoulder, she said something that neither of them were ready for. "Liv, as screwed up as this situation is, I'm glad it's you and not some crazy rando. You're going to be a great mom". Before either of them knew what to say, she was gone.

"Well, that went better than I thought it would" Elliot said, making his partner smile. "Look Liv, I'm sorry-"

"It's all good" She insisted with a forced smile. "I'm sorry that she found out so soon".

Elliot shrugged, "It's my fault. I let her wear my jacket without a second thought. I knew it was in the pocket".

"We all make mistakes, El. Trust me" She tried to reassure, but it came out sounding as remorseful as she felt. She could tell by the look on his face that he wanted to say something. "Go ahead".

He looked down at his hands for a beat before speaking. "What you said to Kathleen about taking it all back...Did you mean that?"

She struggled to find the right words to say. Truthfully, it was complicated. If he had asked her a few days ago, she would have said yes without hesitation, but now that she had seen her baby…

"I don't know" She admitted. "I've always wanted to be a mom, but I'm not the one paying the price for it".

* * *

Elliot had been home for a few hours, playing with Eli and watching Kathy as she slept peacefully in the recliner. A million thoughts raced through his mind. Things hadn't been _good_ between them in years. She had accused him of sleeping with his partner too many times to count, and he had accused her of wanting him to, that way it was _his _fault their marriage failed. No matter how silent or ugly things were between them, they always wound up back together. Things were different this time _had_ messed up. Although they had only stayed together for the sake of their children, he never wanted to hurt her. He thought about what Kathleen had said about ripping off the bandaid, and she was right. He couldn't go on lying to his wife. Kathleen was up in her room, Maureen had just left to pick up Lizzy and Dickie from youth group, and little Eli was napping in the pack and play. If he was going to tell Kathy today, he had to do it now. As gently as he possibly could, he woke Kathy up.

"What's up?" She asked through a yawn. "What's wrong?"

"Kathy, I need to tell you something".


	7. Blue Christmas

_Then_

"_Kathy, I need to tell you something" Elliot started, trying to keep his voice steady. He was nervous, but he didn't want to work Kathy up before he had a chance to tell her. She hadn't even flinched. She stayed reclined in the chair, looking at him expectantly. _

"_I need to tell you about something that happened while I was undercover" He continued, unintentionally dragging it out. _

"_From two months ago?" Kathy asked with a furrowed brow. _

_Elliot nodded, taking a seat on the couch so that they were on the same plane. "I understand that this will be hard to believe, but please try to keep an open mind" He prefaced. _

"_Elliot, whatever you're about to say can't be as bad as when the doctor told me that I have cancer" Kathy said with a small smile. _

_Had she meant for that to be reassuring? If anything, it made him feel worse. It wasn't enough that her own body betrayed her, so her husband had to too? Of course, he hadn't intentionally done it. They were in a bind and would have wound up dead if they didn't follow through with the charade. He took a deep breath, preparing himself to tell her, but was interrupted by the sound of his daughter coming down the steps. She was too busy staring at her phone to notice that both of her parents were looking at her. _

"_Kathleen" Kathy sighed, making the younger blonde look up. _

_Maybe it was a sign that now wasn't the right time. "You know what, it can wait" He insisted, feeling a sense of relief wash over him. He stood up to check on Eli, but stopped when he saw that Kathleen realized what was going on. _

"_Oh!" She gasped, "You're telling her now? Way to rip off the bandaid, Dad". She gave him a thumbs up before turning around and running back up the stairs. Kathy turned her attention back to Elliot, very confused by what just happened. _

"_Elliot what the hell is she talking about? What bandaid?" _

_So much for keeping her calm. _

"_There's no easy way to say this, but I slept with Olivia while I was undercover". He could see the physical effects of anger taking over her body. Her breathing picked up significantly and she clenched her fists. Her mouth opened and closed several times before she actually spoke. _

"_You what?" She questioned through clenched teeth. It wasn't actually a question, but a chance to take it back. _

"_She stopped by to give me a phone so I could call you but the perp was sitting on the house. He had a strict no guests and no phones policy. He was going to kill us if he found out that we're cops". _

_Kathy pushed herself up so that she could stand, wincing in pain. Elliot reached out to help her, but she smacked his hand away. "So what? You thought that screwing her would uphold your cover?" She questioned, getting in his face. _

"_She posed as a prostitute and Bushido paid to watch us have sex"._

_Kathy tilted her head back, cackling at the ridiculous tale. "You're right. I don't believe you. I __knew_ _that something happened that night". _

_He tried to stay calm, but looking at that cocky look on her face __enraged_ _him. She was acting like she had caught him with his hand in the cookie jar, but the reality was that he took those cookies a long time ago without her even knowing. If she wanted to be smug, he could do her one better. _

"_Oh, really? Then why didn't you say anything if you've known for so long?" He challenged, taking a step closer so that they were mere inches apart. He watched as her lip quivered. He hadn't wanted to hurt her, but he wasn't the one that started this game. He could see the tears forming in her eyes, reminding him that this __wasn't_ _a game. This was real life. This was their marriage falling apart before his very eyes. "I'm sorry" He sighed, carefully wrapping his arms around his wife. "For yelling at you, and for sleeping with another woman". Kathy was crying into his chest, but pulled back when she noticed how he worded his apology. _

"_You mean for sleeping with Olivia" She clarified. "Not just some random woman". _

_Elliot scrubbed his face in frustration. "That's what I said". _

"_No, it's not. You said that you were sorry for sleeping with another woman, not that you were sorry for sleeping with Olivia" She reminded him. Her tears had mostly stopped, but she was clearly more hurt than she was before. _

"_I don't see why it matters" He groaned. _

"_Why did you even tell me this? We could have done what we do best, pretend that nothing is wrong and go on with our lives" She said, rolling her eyes. They were both so wrapped up in their "conversation" (argument) that neither of them heard the front door open. _

"_We can't pretend that it never happened because Liv's pregnant and I'm the father". _

_A sharp gasp was heard, followed by a thud. Elliot looked towards the sound, finding a frozen Maureen, Dickie, and Lizzy standing by the door. Maureen had dropped her keys out of shock. _

"_You cheated on mom?" Dickie asked with obvious hurt in his voice._

"_You need to go" Kathy told Elliot before making her way over to her eldest son. "Go,El! I need some space". _

_So he packed a bag and left. He had ripped off the bandaid. Now all he could do was sit back and wait for the scab to form._

* * *

Now

Olivia didn't think that it was possible for the squad-room to look more depressing than it usually did, but she was wrong. Without other people, the gray walls felt _cold_. Maybe it was because she was used to the normal hustle and bustle of the team, but the silence made it hard to focus. Olivia looked up from her file when she heard someone whistling a familiar tune in the distance. If her memory served her right, it was _Blue Christmas _by Elvis Presley.

It was Christmas Eve and everyone had gone home hours ago, including Elliot. Despite what happened earlier in the week, Kathy had invited him to come home for family dinner, making it crystal clear that it was only for the sake of the kids. Needless to say, she was surprised when it was Elliot who rounded the corner. He stopped whistling when he spotted her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked. "I thought you were with Kathy and the kids". She watched as he took off his jacket, tossing it onto the back of his chair. He didn't look _mad_, but something was definitely bothering him.

"I could ask you the same thing" He said, avoiding her question.

She rolled her eyes at his aloofness, but decided to let it pass this time. He had a tough week, and by the look on his face, tonight wasn't much better. She could see how tired he was. He had bags under his eyes, and it looked like he hadn't been able to get a good night's sleep in weeks. Sleeping in the cribs did that to you though. She had offered for him to stay with her, but they both knew why that wasn't a good idea. If he wanted a chance to make things better with Kathy he had to take his punishment and wait it out.

"I'm always here on Christmas Eve...and Christmas" She explained as she swapped out her file for another one in the stack. Every year she'd use this time to organize her files, and if she was feeling really ambitious, she'd review a few cold cases. "Don't look at me like that" She scolded even though she wasn't looking at him. She could _feel_ his pity, and she certainly didn't need it.

"I never knew that" He mumbled. What she didn't understand was _how_ he didn't know that? He knew that she didn't have any family and that her only friends were through work. Who did he expect her to be spending the holidays with? Maybe he had never put any thought to it because he had a nice, big family surrounding him. Until now. Now here they were, stuck in the same miserable boat.

"None of the kids would even look at me, except for Kathleen. Kathy said that I was ruining Christmas for everybody, so I left".

Cragen didn't know that either of them were there, so they really didn't have any obligation to stay. While she was used to being at work for the holidays, Elliot would do better if they got out of there. She was torn. Kathy would be pissed if she found out they spent the day together, but at the same time Olivia couldn't sit back and watch him throw a one man pity party. That, and it wasn't like she could lodge herself any further into their marriage at this knew that that wasn't a good mentality to have, but it was the truth. He would probably turn down anything she suggested unless she threw in a certain "B" word.

"Why don't we get out of here? The baby _really_ wants Chinese food" She said as she dramatically rubbed her still-flat stomach. Her theatrics made him smile, which was enough of a win for her.

"You're a piece of work, Benson. Only if you're buying".

* * *

Olivia unlocked her apartment, letting Elliot in before her. His hands were full, struggling to carry the box that held their food. She may have gone a little crazy when she called in the order, but _everything_ sounded good to her. It was nice having someone to spend the holiday with, but not under the current circumstances. They had spent the entire car ride laughing and joking, enjoying each other's company.

"Here is your chicken and broccoli, shrimp lo mein, egg foo young, and dumplings" He said with an amused smile as he stacked the containers on the coffee table. She felt the warmth spreading in her cheeks, but she knew that he was only messing with her.

"In case you forgot, I'm eating for two now" She reminded as she took a seat on the couch. "And _we_ are willing to share". She watched as the smile on Elliot's face went from an amused one to a sad one.

"Trust me, Liv. I can't forget".

The whole mood shifted, and Olivia mentally kicked herself. It was a stupid joke that made the weight of reality come crashing down on them. Of course he didn't forget, how could he when it was ruining his life? He'd be at home celebrating with his family if she had made a better call that night.

"Don't go there, Liv" He said, apparently able to read her mind. "I appreciate what you're doing here, but I miss my kids". Her mouth hung open, watching him as he stood up and grabbed his coat.

"Are you leaving?" She asked, trying to hide her disappointment.

"Yeah. I need to clear my head".

He was gone before she could say anything, leaving her alone once again. "Merry freaking Christmas" She mumbled to herself, swiping the top container off the stack and digging in. She grabbed the remote and turned on the tv, and for the second time today she was met with the song, _Blue Christmas_, by Elvis Presley. She couldn't agree more, it was a blue Christmas for all.


	8. Sacrifice

**AN: Hello my lovely peeps! Thank you all for your continued interest and support. This chapter is a bit messy (and I mean that in multiple ways), and I know that I get a bit out of character for Olivia.**

** It has come to my attention that sometimes a chunk of a sentence will be missing, or two sentences will be merged together. I think this happens when I copy and paste my document. I surprisingly do proofread, but I don't always catch it, so my apologies! I hope you enjoy and have a great day. **

"_True love is selfless. It is prepared to sacrifice" - Sadhu Vaswuni_

Monday, January 8th

For the second time in a month, Olivia sat by herself in an unfamiliar establishment, patiently waiting for a Stabler to join her. At least she knew what this meeting was about. Kathy had called her early in the morning, practically begging her to meet up with her for lunch so they could talk. Despite every fiber of her being screaming at her to say no, Olivia agreed. She owed the woman a chance to talk at the very least. Kathy had asked her to keep this little meeting between the two of them, which had been hard for Olivia. Elliot had been trying to get in contact with Kathy for days, but she ignored every one of his calls, sending him to voicemail. So when Kathy asked Olivia if they could talk, she felt like she _had_ to agree.

"Hey" The blonde greeted as she took a seat in the chair across from Olivia. "I'm sorry for taking up your lunch" She apologized as she set her purse down on the empty chair to her left. "I really appreciate that you agreed to come".

So far, things were a little _too _friendly for Olivia's liking. Part of her had expected Kathy to come in guns blazing, chew her out, and storm out, but that clearly was not the direction that this conversation was headed.

"It's not a problem, but I am curious" Olivia started as she nervously played with her menu, running her finger along the bottom so she could feel each page. "Elliot said that you've been ignoring his calls so I was surprised to hear from you".

Kathy sighed, "It's because I know that he would be disappointed if I did answer. He wants to come home and be with his kids". Olivia watched as Kathy began to cry. " I actually came from my oncologist's office, he told me that there is some cancerous cells left that they couldn't remove during the surgery. I start radiation next week, so trust me when I say that I'd really appreciate the extra hands at home" The blonde wiped her tears, apologizing profusely.

"I'm so sorry" Olivia whispered, feeling the guilt wash over her again.

"It is what it is.I'll get through it. I want Elliot to come home, but some things have to change before I can let him come 's actually why I wanted to talk to you".

Olivia looked at Kathy expectantly, waiting for her to speak. They were interrupted by a waiter coming over to take both their food and drink orders. Olivia ordered hers to go because of the very limited amount of time she had.

When he walked away Kathy began to speak.

"Elliot told me that this" She paused to make a circle with her arms to show that she was talking about their current situation, "happened while he was undercover".

"Yes. I went to see him after I got done speaking with you-"

"Trust me. I don't need to hear the whole story again" Kathy interrupted, which Olivia appreciated because she certainly didn't want to tell it again. "If that's the case then I think what's best for everyone is for one of you to transfer to a different department".

Olivia felt her mouth hanging open, but quickly regained her composure. "You want Elliot to transfer?"

Kathy nodded, but changed her mind after a couple of seconds. "That would be the ideal scenario for me, but you and I both know that Elliot would never leave you. I can't trust that he'll be faithful to our marriage if he's constantly around temptation. Besides, the work you guys do is very dangerous. Don't you want to work somewhere safer while you're pregnant?"

Olivia was speechless. Here she was sitting across from her partner's wife, listening while she tried to explain that transferring to a different unit would benefit everyone, when in reality it would only benefit her. Elliot would be miserable and impossible to work with for whatever sad sap Cragen assigned to be his new partner, but at the same time, he would have his wife and kids to go home to at the end of the day. Which was far more than Olivia could ever give him by being his partner.

How could she refuse Kathy's offer when it would make it so Elliot could be with his family? When Elliot was lying on the cold, hard ground bleeding from the bullet holes Bushido had put in him, she promised him that she would make things right. There was one major detail that she needed to address before saying anything else.

"You aren't going to keep him from the baby?" She asked, desperately trying to keep her voice steady despite the single tear that made its way down her cheek.

Kathy shook her head. "I could never do that, Olivia. It's one thing to be mad at Elliot, but that baby didn't do anything wrong".

Olivia wiped her face with her sleeve, letting out the breath that she didn't even realize she was holding. "Fine. I'll talk to Cragen when I get back".

She had to make things right.

* * *

When Olivia returned to work, she was greeted by Elliot waiting by the elevator for her.

"Everything okay?" He asked, noticing how upset she looked.

"I'm fine. Just not feeling well" She lied, offering him a small smile. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, guiding her in the direction of the cribs. "What are you doing?" She asked, stopping in the middle of the hallway.

"You trust me?" He asked, opening the door to the cribs.

"With my life" She whispered, feeling her heart crack.

She sat down on the bunk that he had been sleeping in since this mess started. He instructed her to hold out her hands and close her eyes, which she did without hesitation. Her arms dropped a bit at the weight of the box he had set in her hands, making her curiosity even stronger.

"Alright, open your eyes".

Olivia opened her eyes and gasped. "Elliot, you didn't". She was grinning ear to ear as she adjusted the box so that it was sitting in her lap.

A few days ago they had a conversation about when they'd get to hear the baby's heartbeat. It had been too early to be able to hear it at the first ultrasound, which meant that they would have to wait until the anatomy scan at eighteen weeks. Olivia was disappointed that she'd have to wait so long to hear her baby's heart, but she hadn't expected Elliot to do anything about it. He had bought her an at home fetal heartbeat monitor.

"I ordered that as soon as we were done talking. Now these things aren't guaranteed to be the most accurate, but I figured it was worth a shot" He admitted with a shy smile. "Open it up" He said as he took a seat next to her on the cot.

"Here? Anyone could walk in" She reminded him with a nervous look on her face.

"We're going to have to tell them soon anyway" He easily dismissed. She was eleven weeks along, and a tiny bump could be made out under her shirt if someone looked at her from the side. It was small enough that she could easily lie and say she had a big lunch, but they were running out of time to tell people before they found out on their own. Not that she would be working with them much longer…She couldn't let herself hop on that train of thought again. It would ruin this happy moment, and she had made up her mind already. She would transfer to a different unit so that Elliot could be with his family. It was a sacrifice that had to be made.

"Ok" She agreed, handing the box to him so that he could open it and get it all set up. It was rather simple, put in the batteries, plug in the headphones, and it was ready to go.

He slid off of the bunk and onto his knees, turning so that he was facing the bed. She took the hint and laid down, lifting her shirt to give him access to her abdomen. He put in an earbud and handed the other to her, waiting until she was settled.

"Ready?" He asked, making sure that she was okay with this.

"Yeah. I want to hear my baby".

Elliot gently pressed the doppler against her abdomen, slowly moving it around. It was in that moment that she realized how intimate of a moment they were sharing, and she didn't mind it. Tears brimmed her eyes the second she heard the steady beat of their baby's heart. It was a bit fuzzy, but she could hear it nonetheless. The sound was so beautiful that she could listen to it forever.

"That's our baby" Elliot sighed, looking her directly in the eyes. She could see that his eyes were watery too, which she hadn't expected. He had been through this four times before, but she supposed that didn't make it any less special. "According to this she's at 137 beats per minute" He announced, reading the number off of the device.

"She?" Olivia couldn't help but prod with a grin. "You seem pretty confident there, Stabler".

He shrugged, removing the doppler from her. "I haven't been wrong yet". He removed the bud from his ear and stood up, extending his hand to her to help her up.

"I don't think there's fancy device you can buy to verify that, so it looks like we'll have to wait and see" She retorted. "That was amazing, El. Thank you".

"Anything for my baby mama" He said with a wink, making her heart skip a beat.

Soon he'd know that she would do anything for him too. She was torn because she wanted to tell him before she talked to Cragen, but she knew that he would put her first and convince her to stay. His kids deserved to have their father at home, and he deserved to be happy. He pulled a duffle bag out from under the bunk and carefully placed the monitor in it with the rest of his clothing.

"I have to talk to Cragen" She announced, hoping that he didn't notice the slight quiver in her voice. "Thanks again, El".

* * *

As soon as she made her way into the squad room, Munch called to her, "Liv, will you please tell Fin here that the moon landing is a hoax that our government thought up-"

"Shut the hell up man, she doesn't care about your conspiracy theories" Fin interrupted, clearly tired of hearing about it.

She would miss hearing their daily squabbles. "I don't know Fin, it does seem a little suspicious" She shrugged, knowing damn well that she sparked another twenty minutes of Munch going over his theory. Fin narrowed his eyes at her, making her laugh. "Is the captain in his office?"

"Yup, working hard as always" Munched joked. Cragen was a good boss, and she'd miss him too. She'd miss everyone, but it had to be done.

She knocked on the door to his office, pushing it open when he told her to come in. He was searching through the drawer of his desk for something and didn't bother to look up when she closed the door behind herself.

"You look busy, I can come back later" She offered, already making her way back to the door.

"It's alright. I'm just looking for a pack of gum I bought this morning. How can I help you?" He closed the drawer and sat down, motioning for her to do the same. She toyed with the charm of her necklace, trying to keep herself calm so that she could do this as painlessly as possible.

"I'm pregnant, and because of that I feel that it would be in the best interest of my baby for me to transfer back to Computer Crimes".

She had decided fairly quickly that she wasn't going to bring up Elliot's role in the situation, that way they could still make the decision to tell everyone together.

"Wow. Well, congratulations" He stammered, caught off guard by the news. "So you want to temporarily transfer to Computer Crimes?"

Temporarily. She hadn't thought of that. Maybe Kathy would be okay with her coming back after some time had passed. "Yes. How soon can that happen?"

"Well, considering you made a good impression for the last time, I'd say that we could have you there by the end of the week" Cragen said with a small smile. "Elliot isn't going to take this well. Have you told him?"

Olivia shook her head. "I will after work".

* * *

Elliot held the door for Olivia as they made their way out for the day. She acted surprised when he told her that Kathy had called him and asked him to come home. Olivia was happy for him, but it still hurt knowing that they wouldn't be partners for much longer. Hopefully it wouldn't impact their friendship.

"That's great, El" She congratulated with a forced smile. "She's going to need you around more with the radiation starting soon".

Elliot stopped in his tracks, mumbling an apology when a man bumped into him due to the abrupt stop. He grabbed Olivia by the arm and pulled her over so that they were standing right in front of the precinct instead of in the middle of a busy sidewalk.

"What did you just say?"

She assumed that he had known. Of course she had messed something else up. "I'm so sorry, El. I thought you knew! Kathy asked me to meet her for lunch so that we could talk and she told me then" Olivia rambled, spilling all the beans. She was making things worse.

"At lunch? Kathy's appointment wasn't until three" He corrected her. "Maureen went with her. Kathy called me right after to tell me that she's officially cancer free. That's when she asked me to come home".

Then it hit her. She knew exactly what Kathy had done.

**AN: One last thing that I didn't want to address in the beginning so I wouldn't spoil anything, all of my pregnancy knowledge is coming from the internet. If something is wrong, I'm sorry! **


	9. Holy Shit

**AN: Hello my lovely peeps! I have to admit, I struggled with this one. I rewrote this a few times, but ultimately chose to go with what I had originally written. I don't see Kathy as an evil person, so if you were expecting more of that I sincerely apologize. I hope you enjoy and thank you for reading!**

"I don't understand why she'd lie about her cancer. Who does that?" Elliot said as he paced the length of Olivia's bedroom. "I married a psycho" He sighed, sitting on the edge of her bed. He heard her inhale sharply, watching as she clutched her stomach. She hadn't been feeling well since their conversation outside of the precinct, and she insisted that she'd fine once she laid down. He wasn't so sure of that right now.

"Liv, are you sure you're okay?" He asked, gently placing his hand on her foot.

"Crampy" She mumbled when another one hit. Before he could ask anything else she was up and running down the hall to get to the bathroom. He followed her, crouching down on the floor next to her to hold her hair while she heaved. Although he wasn't squeamish, hearing her lose the contents of her stomach made him gag. She stayed hunched over the toilet even when she was done, trying to muster up enough energy to stand. Elliot went and got her a glass of water, telling her to take small sips.

"I won't be able to keep it down" She groaned.

"You have to try" Elliot said, reaching out to hand her the glass. He noticed how bad her hands were shaking when she tried to grab the glass. "Have you been able to keep _anything_ down today?" He asked as she took a sip.

She shook her head, immediately regretting the movement. Elliot took the glass from her as another round of vomiting started. The second round was significantly shorter than the first since her stomach was already empty.

"Is it like this everyday?" He asked as he rubbed her back in small circles.

"Pretty much" She groaned.

"I think we should call your obstetrician" He suggested. He had seen some wicked morning sickness throughout Kathy's pregnancies, but never this bad. Olivia couldn't even drink water without it coming back a few minutes later. She rolled her eyes, pulling herself up into a standing position. She swayed a bit, but quickly steadied herself by putting her hand against the wall.

"I'm fine, Elliot" She insisted, slowly making her way over to the sink so she could brush her teeth. "You were saying something about marrying a psycho? Which she isn't a psycho" She reminded him, hoping to change the subject. "We went over it earlier. She lied to me because she knows that I already feel awful for what happened, if she found a way to make me feel worse she could get me to do anything she wanted".

"I know, but to lie about _cancer_ just to get you to transfer? That's insane" He said as he watched her struggle to grab her toothbrush, dropping it in the sink, twice. "Liv, maybe you should just skip brushing your teeth for now" He suggested as he stood up. "Let's get you back in bed". He helped her into bed, chuckling when she pulled the blanket up over her frame and immediately shrugged it back off. He went back into the bathroom to grab her water and put it on her nightstand. "I'm sorry that this is all happened. I thought what happened when I was undercover was crazy, but this is a whole new level".

"It is what it is" She said, using Kathy's words from earlier. "Cragen said he never started the paperwork so it's not like her plan worked". She called their boss as soon as they got in the car, practically begging him to pull her transfer request. "He does have a lot of questions though, so I think we need to bite the bullet and tell him sooner rather than later".

Elliot shook his head in disbelief, "I don't understand how you're being so calm about all of this. I genuinely do not think she's ever done anything this low before".

"Of course I'm angry, but I get why she did it. She's scared she's going to lose you. People do crazy things when they're hurt" She reminded him. Her mind briefly wandered to a few years ago, when she left the SVU to work a case in Oregon. She hadn't done it for a change of scenery, but because Elliot said that they couldn't be partners anymore if they couldn't put the public first. After what happened with Gitano, she knew that Elliot would always come first, so she left. "We're not blameless in this. If we hadn't been put in that situation that night..." she trailed off. At least she phrased it in a way that didn't put the blame entirely on herself.

"Two wrongs don't make a right" He dismissed. He was too pissed to really let her words sink in, and she knew that. There was nothing else she could say, so she was done talking about it for now.

"Elliot, why don't you go home? Spend some time with your kids and relax a bit. Then talk to Kathy" She suggested, feeling guilty because he was with her when he could be enjoying the company of his kids.

Elliot shook his head. "I don't want to ruin their celebration. They already resent me, I don't want to make it worse``he explained. "And I'm worried about you" He admitted.

"Elliot, they don't resent you and I'm fine" She insisted, sitting up. "I _never_ get sick and then suddenly all these hormones come flooding to make everything go haywire. What I don't understand is why do people make pregnancy sound like this wonderful, magical thing? My boobs hurt, my stomach hurts, I haven't slept more than a few hours at a time because of the first two. My nipples are _unrecognizable _and I pee so many times a day...I can't imagine what it'll be like during the third trimester". She hadn't meant to go off like that, but it felt good to let it all out.

"I think we should go to the hospital" He already knew that she was going to protest, so he offered her a deal. "I'm worried that you're dehydrated. If you can drink that whole glass of water and _keep it down_, I'll drop it".

Olivia eyed the glass of water, running her tongue across the inside of her cheek. She picked it up and looked him in the eye, downing the entire glass in a matter of seconds. She handed him the now empty glass with a proud grin. "Looks like you're dropping it".

"I said I'd drop it if you can keep it down, Benson". His cell phone started to ring, and he could only hope that they weren't being called into work. "Stabler".

"Can you please let me in? I've been knocking for ten minutes" Kathy whined.

"Let you in?" He repeated, making his way down the hallway and into the living room. Without checking the peephole, he threw open the door to find Kathy standing on the other side, still holding her phone up to her ear. She hung up and scurried into the apartment, awkwardly standing in the middle of the room. Elliot shoved his phone back into his pocket as he closed the door, turning to give Kathy his full attention. "You have some nerve showing up here" He practically growled.

"So, you already know about our conversation at lunch" She stated rather than asking.

"It depends, are you referring to when you lied to her about needing radiation, or when you asked her to transfer to a different unit?" He questioned. Olivia made her way down the hall, stopping at the breakfast bar to lean against it.

"Both" Kathy answered truthfully. "I don't know what came over me, lying, manipulating person isn't me, and you know that. I begged her to have lunch with me so that we could talk things out, and try to put all of this behind us. Our kids are going to be siblings, so we should be civil at the very least! When she brought up the fact that I'd been ignoring your calls it reminded me of the night of the _incident_ and how you wouldn't answer my calls and how she convinced me to give you one more chance. It got me thinking about the fact that _we _haven't done anything to fix our marriage. I wanted one more shot at fixing this, but without the extra help from Liv. If we can't do it without someone telling us to, then we shouldn't be together" she rambled. She crossed the room so that she could address Olivia. "I'm sorry. No, I'm more than sorry. I wish I could take it back. Please tell me you didn't talk to Cragen yet".

Olivia could tell that Kathy was truly remorseful. "I did, but I handled it as soon as Elliot told me that you're cancer free. Congratulations by the way" she added with the tiniest trace of a smile. Kathy wrapped her arms around Olivia, hugging her tightly. Olivia stiffened, but she quickly returned the embrace."We've both messed up. Why don't we start over? Everyone can have a clean slate" Olivia suggested. Of course that would be much easier said than done, but the idea of it was nice.

"I'd really like that" Kathy whispered.

Looking over Kathy's shoulder, Olivia saw Elliot watching them. He had calmed down significantly, but he still looked pissed. Kathy stepped away from Olivia, turning around to face her husband.

"I want a divorce" She announced, making Olivia's jaw drop. That wasn't exactly what she meant by clean slate.

"What?" Elliot asked, making sure that he had heard her right.

"Elliot, we have had countless opportunities to make things better between us, with and without the help of _others_" She said carefully. "I've been thinking about it all day, all week actually, and I realized that we haven't worked on things because we don't _want_ to".

Olivia couldn't believe what was transpiring right in front of her, in her living room. What was it about her apartment that made it the perfect place for the Stablers to have important conversations in it? An endless track of _holy shit_ played in her mind as she watched the scene play out. Elliot was standing so still that if someone painted him bronze he could be mistaken for a statue. "I don't understand. Seven hours ago you asked Olivia to transfer so I wouldn't be 'tempted' and now you want a divorce?" He finally spoke.

"Elliot, I did want you to come home, but not for the right reasons.I wanted you to come home because I was scared that I couldn't do this on my own. We've been together since senior year of high school and I had forgotten what it felt like to be alone.I never really got the chance to get to know my adult self without you. Since you've been gone I haven't been obsessing over where you are, who you're with, or what you're doing. Honestly, it feels like there's been a weight lifted off my shoulders. I think what happened at lunch was that I let that fear come in and take over, so I panicked". She walked over to Elliot, closing the immense distance between them. "Elliot, I need you to be one hundred percent honest with me. If we didn't have the kids, would we still be married?"

Olivia stared at him, anxiously awaiting his answer. Of course, right at that moment her stomach lurched, warning her that yet another round of vomiting was headed her way. She quickly excused herself to the bathroom, closing the door behind her, hoping that they wouldn't be able to hear her.

"I don't think so" He sighed.

"We've grown apart, and that's okay. You fell in love with her, and as much as it hurts, I have to accept that. I'm finally starting to figure out who I am, and I'm falling in love with myself for the first time. It doesn't make us bad people, just bad for each other" Kathy reassured. "So, I guess we should tell the kids".

Elliot nodded. "I'm sure they won't be surprised".

"If anything I'm sure they'll be relieved. No more yelling and fighting. It'll certainly be an adjustment. They _do _miss you though, so please make sure you see them. Olivia too " Kathy added as she made her way over to the door. "Please tell Liv again that I'm sorry for asking her to do something so ridiculous and dragging her back into our mess. You're right about her, she is a loyal friend, and it's clear that she'd do _anything_ to see you happy". She turned the doorknob and pulled open the door, but paused. "And go get that woman some popsicles! They'll keep her hydrated and the sugar will help calm her stomach. Oh, and tell her that eating a few saltines before bed should help too. The blander the food, the better she'll feel". With that Kathy walked out, leaving Elliot in the living room alone.

"What happened?" Olivia asked as she emerged from the bathroom.

"Well I'm getting divorced...And buying you popsicles".


	10. Consequences

**AN:** **Hello my lovely peeps! I hope you are enjoying your week. I probably won't be able to update again until Saturday or Sunday. Thank you for all the support and I hope you enjoy this chapter. The case mentioned is based off of the episode "Lead".**

Monday, January 22nd

Olivia and Elliot made their way into the squad-room at the same time, something they had tried not to do since Elliot had been staying with her. It was weird at first, having someone to come home to (well with) every night, but she certainly wasn't complaining. Elliot had gone home to see his kids a few times, but he came back to her apartment afterwards. He and Kathy were being civil, but that was about it. He had told Olivia countless times that this time was different, and they were actually going to get divorced, but she'd believe it when she'd see it. He always wound up back with Kathy, so she wasn't going to hold her breath.

They had been staggering their entrances because people had been spreading rumors about them for years, and the last thing they needed was to add fuel to the fire before they could explain things to Cragen. He needed to hear the truth from them before someone else made their own version and it got back to him, so they decided to tell him today. Munch was already sitting at his desk, watching them move about the squad-room. Olivia unzipped her lunchbox, pulling out a popsicle in a baggy. At thirteen weeks she was feeling better than ever, all thanks to Kathy's suggestions.

"I too believe that the breakfast industry is a complete sham. They want us to believe that all of those carbs and empty calories in the morning is the key to a healthy life. That's the key to diabetes and early death" John ranted, making Olivia chuckle. She appreciated the laugh because it helped to ease her nerves. She pulled open the bag and took out the popsicle, giving it a lick.

"I have some extras if you guys want to try one" She offered. Elliot shook his head, but only because he had eaten three of them the night before. When she first told him the recipe, he turned his nose up at it. Apparently mango, pineapple juice, and baby spinach blended up and frozen didn't sound appealing, and honestly it's baby poop green color didn't help. She managed to convince him to try it by flashing him the puppy dog eyes and sticking out her lower lip. He was hooked after the first taste. Kathy knew what she was talking about when she suggested the popsicles. Olivia had been able to keep down most of her food for the last two weeks. She was down to puking once a day at most, and she hadn't had any cramping lately.

"No thank you" Munch said, turning his attention back to the computer.

"You ready?" Elliot quietly asked, gesturing to the open door of Cragen's office. She put her half-eaten popsicle back in the baggy and quickly ran upstairs to put her lunchbox in the freezer.

A minute later, Olivia scurried into the office and closed the door behind her, taking a seat in the empty chair next to Elliot. Cragen looked at them expectantly, waiting for someone to speak. Olivia turned to look at Elliot, who was already looking at her. She gave him a nod, silently telling him that she'd start.

"There was an incident back in November that we never reported" Olivia started, making Cragen's eyebrows raise.

"You're just now telling me because…?" He asked, clearly frustrated that they waited so long to tell him.

"Because neither of us expected me to get pregnant from one night" She said, making his jaw drop. Cragen quickly regained his composure.

"And this happened on the job?" He asked, making sure he understood what she was saying. The two of them nodded. Elliot took over from there, telling Cragen the whole story. Ten minutes later the three of them were sitting in silence as Cragen digested all of the new information. He shook his head, tossing his pencil down on the desk.

"You know that I have to report this to IAB" He stated. "There's no way that we can brush this under the rug. You're having a child together!"

"Are you saying that we're going to be separated?" Elliot asked. "It hasn't been affecting our work" He defended as Olivia buried her face in her hands.

"It's out of my control".

A loud knock on the door made Olivia jump. Fin pushed open the door, telling them that they had to come see the news. They silently walked into the squadroom while Fin rewound the news report so they could see it from the beginning. ADA Kim Greylik was standing on the courthouse stairs, explaining that while Keppler was convicted, she was disappointed that his sentence was limited to sixteen years.

"Guilty on all charges" Munch explained.

There were days where their jobs felt meaningless. The amount of perps that walked everyday was discouraging, but days like today reminded her why she did it. would be in prison for sixteen years, unable to hurt anymore young boys. As nice as it was, Olivia was still confused about why Fin had called them to watch. Then Keppler's attorney made his way into the crowd of reporters, saying that he had a message for Captain Cragen and the detectives of the Manhattan Special Victims Unit. He looked directly into the camera as he told the entire city that they _knew_ that Keppler was sexually assaulting his patients for a month before arresting him. Fin turned off the tv, leaving the five of them standing around it in silence.

"I expect the rat squad to be here any moment" Cragen sighed. "You two" He started, pointing at Olivia and Elliot, "make sure that you have everything straight".

* * *

An hour later Olivia and Elliot sat at the table in one of the interrogation rooms, getting their asses handed to them by Tucker. Once they explained that their first victim had lied about being assaulted by his math teacher the year before, Tucker backed off of them in regards to how they handled the case. The only problem was that when he went to talk to Cragen he found out about Olivia and Elliot's situation. She knew that the captain was just trying to get it done and over with, but that didn't make it any easier.

"It's hard to believe that you two have been able to work at your best capacity with such a heavy secret weighing on you. How far along are you again detective Benson? Thirteen weeks?"

Olivia nodded, crossing her arms over her chest.

"How is your wife Detective Stabler?" Tucker asked with a smug grin. "I heard she has cancer".

"Had" Elliot corrected. "She's cancer free. I don't see how any of this matters".

Tucker shrugged. "I think it's safe to say that the two of you have been _distracted_".

Olivia could tell by the way that he clenched his jaw that Elliot was about to snap. "Look, can we continue to be partners or not?" She asked, wanting to cut to the chase.

Tucker circled the table, stalking them like they were helpless prey. "You two will have to undergo psychological evaluations and we'll go from there. As of now you are both suspended until further notice". He walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Elliot shoved the table, knocking it over.

"Elliot, you have to calm down" Olivia told him as she stood up. He started pacing the room while she bent over to fix the table. Elliot stopped walking for a moment to help her, mumbling an apology. "There are consequences to our actions, and all we can do now is sit back and take it". It was rather uncharacteristic of her to say it, but she was right. Getting angry or upset wasn't going to make anything better.

"I can't lose you, Liv".

"Elliot we can't talk about this here" She whispered, pointing to the two way mirror. There was no way to know if Tucker was still watching them. "We'll talk later".

* * *

Since Olivia had cooked dinner, Elliot insisted on cleaning up the kitchen. That had been their system for the last two weeks. One of them would do the cooking (usually Elliot) and the other would do the dishes and put away any leftovers. He tried to load the dishwasher as quietly as possible because Olivia was dozing off on the couch. He'd have to wake her eventually so that he could go to sleep, but for now she needed to rest. They had decided to use their unexpected time off to start cleaning out the second bedroom, which was basically a glorified closet. She had tons of boxes in there, most of them from her mother's house. He couldn't imagine how hard it was for her to go through her mother's belongings, even all these years later. They only got through a couple of them before she called it a day, which he was fine with. It was likely that they'd be suspended for a week or two, so they had plenty of time to get it done. He cracked a grin when Olivia started to snore. He put the washing tab in it's designated spot before closing the dishwasher and starting it.

Elliot made his way into the living room, sitting on the coffee table so that he was facing Olivia. "Liv" He whispered, trying not to fully wake her. All he needed was for her to be able to answer him.

"Yeah?" She asked without opening her eyes.

"What do you want to do for your birthday?" He asked, hoping that she'd answer him honestly in her sleepy state. Her birthday was tomorrow, and he wanted to give her the best one she had ever had. Years ago, she had confessed to him that she never celebrated her birthday until she was in college, away from her mother. Even now that she was an adult, the most she had ever done to celebrate her birthday was going out for a drink with the guys.

"You" She sighed, making his heart drop into his stomach. Her eyes opened and locked on his. "Should see your face right now!" She laughed, gently pushing against his chest.

"Ha. Very funny. I appreciate that" He deadpanned, standing up. "I'm sorry that I wanted you to enjoy your special day" He said, feigning hurt.

Olivia rolled her eyes, sitting up. "It's not a _special_ day, El. It's just another day. If you're doing this because you feel bad about what happened today, please don't" She dismissed. She extended her hand, silently asking him for help. Elliot pulled her up, and took her by surprise when he grabbed her hips, making her skin tingle. Would she ever get used to the feeling of his hands on her?

"It's not just another day. It's the day that my _best friend_ came into the world, and we should celebrate that, and maybe I do feel a little bad that we got suspended right before your birthday, but I swear that's not why I'm doing this. You're allowed to be the center of attention once in a while Olivia" He told her, watching as a few tears trailed down her cheeks.

"Damn hormones" She mumbled, knowing that it wasn't _just_ the hormones. "Fine. You can take me to dinner, Stabler, but nothing too crazy, okay?"

"We never talked about it" He reminded her. "Can we do that now?"

She wanted to say no. Honestly, she wasn't sure she could hear what he had to say right now. She had just cried over him calling her his best friend and saying that her existence was worth celebrating, but she made a promise earlier. "Sure".

"I meant what I said earlier. I can't lose you, Liv...You, the job, and my kids are everything to me" He started, but he was cut off by her putting up her hand. Nope. She couldn't hear this right now. It was too much, too fast, and she wasn't ready to hear it.

She felt herself shutting down. "Ok, we talked about it. I'm getting a shower and going to bed".

He tried to protest, but she was already gone.


	11. Birthday

Tuesday, January 23rd

"Liv" Elliot whispered, gently shaking her. "Olivia" He said again, getting louder. He chuckled when she reached out and grabbed the pillow next to her, covering her face with it. "Come on Liv, it's almost ten. It's time to wake up". She let out a groan, removing the pillow from her face.

"What's the big deal? It's not like we have anywhere to go today" She sighed, pushing herself up into a sitting position. A delicious smell filled her nostrils, fully waking her up. She watched as Elliot grabbed a tray off of her the top of her dresser, carefully setting it in her lap. He had made her french toast and bacon for breakfast and was serving it to her in bed. A girl could get used to this.

"Happy birthday, Liv" He said as he sat down next to her on the bed. "I like what you've done with your hair" He teased. She had gone to bed right after her shower last night, which meant that her hair was still wet. Now her hair was wavy in the front on the left side, fairly straight on the right because she primarily slept on that side, and several pieces were sticking straight up in the back. Remnants of yesterday's makeup could still be seen under her eyes, but she looked beautiful nonetheless.

She found herself feeling guilty for the way she cut him off the night before, but she didn't want to ruin the good mood by bringing it up."Thanks, El. You're not going to eat?" She asked, taking a bite of her bacon. Elliot grabbed her hand, bringing it to his mouth and taking a bite of her bacon. "That wasn't exactly what I meant, but that's fine".

"I already ate" He explained. "We're in serious need of some groceries. The french toast used the last of the eggs. I'm going to run to the store. Any requests?" He knew that she _hated_ grocery shopping, and it relieved her when she realized that he wasn't going to ask her to come with him.

Olivia shook her head, unable to think of anything specific. Breakfast in bed _and _she didn't have to go grocery shopping? Today was shaping up to be a pretty good day. He ran his hand up and down her back, leaning in as if he was going to kiss her on the cheek, but stopped about an inch away. He awkwardly backed off, mumbling something about being back in a bit. Once she heard the apartment door close, she leaned back, resting her head against the wooden headboard.

* * *

It was after noon and Elliot wasn't back yet. Olivia had changed into yoga pants and an old sweatshirt. Her hair was haphazardly held back with a clip, leaving a few pieces out to frame her face. She washed her face and brushed her teeth, knowing that she wouldn't feel ready to get to work until she did so. Knowing that they didn't have all the time in the world to clean out the second bedroom, she convinced herself to get to work. Unfortunately, the first box she opened was full of old photos and she couldn't resist the temptation of looking through them. So here she was an hour in, sitting criss cross on the floor with stacks of pictures surrounding her. She heard the creaking of the door opening, and she assumed that Elliot was back.

"Hey did you get my text about the prune juice?" She yelled without looking up.

"Feeling a little backed up Liv?" A familiar voice asked from the doorway, but it wasn't Elliot's. She looked up to see Kathleen leaning against the doorframe holding a gift bag, wearing the same smirk that Olivia had seen on Elliot countless times.

Olivia could feel her cheeks reddening, but she didn't have anything to be embarrassed about. Constipation was just one of the many wonders of pregnancy. She was surprised to see Kathleen, especially because if she was remembering correctly, today was the first day of the spring term at Hudson. How did Kathleen even know that she'd be home?

"Mom told me about your suspension. I'm sorry, Liv" Kathleen said as she sat down on the floor next to Olivia. Elliot must have called Kathy after she went to bed. Interesting. "I don't have my first class until two, so I thought I'd stop by and wish you a happy birthday!" Kathleen screamed the last part, making Olivia chuckle. Kathleen thrusted the bag at Olivia. "Everyone kind of threw their gifts in there, so I honestly don't know what exactly is in there" She admitted.

"Everyone?" Olivia questioned as she set down the pictures and tugged at the tissue paper.

"Maureen, Lizzy, Mom...There's even a card from Dickwad in there".

She didn't know how to feel about that. On one hand, it was very kind of them to think about her, but on the other hand she hoped that they didn't feel obligated. Kathleen was watching her patiently, waiting for her to open the gifts. Olivia reached her hand into the bag, grabbing a small, round container. "Mama Bee Belly Butter" She read aloud.

"That's from Mom. She said that it helps your belly stay soft and smooth. Apparently she doesn't have any stretch marks from Eli. Keep going! Try to save the big one for last" Kathleen requested.

Olivia felt around the bag making her hand brush against what felt like a picture frame, figuring that was what Kathleen wanted her to save for last. Her hand found some fabric so she pulled it out. "Oh my gosh" she gasped, "this is too cute. Let me guess...Maureen picked this out?" It was a navy blue onesie that said NYPD across the chest in yellow lettering.

"Yeah. She was a little _too_ proud of that if you ask me" Kathleen said, rolling her eyes.

Once again Olivia fished her hand into the bag, trying to find the card from Dickie, but instead she felt more fabric. She pulled it out, smiling at the tiny navy blue hat and matching socks. "Did they mean to coordinate?"

Kathleen nodded. "They went shopping together. Although I'm quite proud of my gift. I think you're going to get a kick out of Dickie's card".

She finally found the card, chuckling at the stick figure portrait of her with an over exaggerated belly on the front of the card. He wrote the word "you" next to it with an arrow, making she knew it was her. The party hat atop her head was a nice touch. She opened the card, reading it out loud. "Dear Liv, I'm sorry you're stuck with my dad. Hope you can manage to enjoy your birthday. Love, Dickie. P.S. I hope the baby is a boy. There's already too much estrogen in this family". Olivia cackled, cracking up because of Dickie's card. It was reassuring to know that he obviously didn't hate her _or_ the baby. The craftsmanship was the icing on the cake. It looked like Eli made it. "This is fantastic" She chuckled as she wiped the tears away. It had been a while since she had laughed so hard that it made her cry. "This is going on the fridge".

Kathleen grabbed the bag out of Olivia's lap, pulling out the picture frame, holding it against her chest so Olivia couldn't see the picture. "I need to explain before I show you. I was helping mom pack some of Dad's stuff into boxes and I found a couple of pictures in one of his drawers. I really liked one in particular so I drew it". Kathleen turned around the frame, handing it over to Olivia.

It was a standard eight by eleven piece of paper, framed in a basic black frame. Olivia recognized the pencil drawing of her and Elliot immediately. The actual picture was from their first year working together. She remembered the day well. John had bought a new camera and he wouldn't leave them alone until they let him take a picture. She had stuck her tongue out and Elliot made bunny ears behind her head. Kathleen had made almost an exact replica with only paper and a pencil.

"This is amazing Kathleen" She sighed. "Is it narcissistic to say that? Or if I hang it up in the living room? I can't get over how good this is. You are _talented_" Olivia complimented, truly blown away by how accurate the portrait was. Kathleen was beaming with pride. "Are you going to school for art?" Olivia asked. She felt bad that she couldn't remember the girl's major. Maureen was working for her bachelors in education, but she only knew that because Elliot mentioned something about her student-teaching this semester. She watched as Kathleen's face fell, and she wondered what she said wrong.

"No. I wish, but Dad said that art is a hobby, a business degree is a future".

Olivia contemplated dropping the subject because it was clear that Elliot had made his opinion known. No one had asked her for hers, and maybe she shouldn't involve herself because it never worked out well for her, but there was something she had to say.

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do, or say that your father is wrong, but you have to remember that this is _your_ life. My mother flipped out when she found out that I wanted to be a cop, and I'm surprised that she didn't have a heart attack when I started in sex crimes. You are _extremely_ talented. There's plenty of work in art. You could be an illustrator, or graphic designer, or you could even be a sketch artist for the NYPD" Olivia encouraged. Kathleen was grinning ear to ear now.

"You really think so?"

Olivia nodded. "I really do. This is a city of endless opportunities, you just have to be careful".

"Will you model for me one day? I want to work on doing portraits in color and having a live model would be easier for me".

"I'm free any day this week" Olivia agreed, "just not tonight".

Kathleen gave her a knowing look. "Special plans for the birthday girl?"

"Your father _insisted_ that we do something so I'm letting him take me to dinner". She immediately regretted saying anything because what if Elliot didn't want anyone to know?

Kathleen giggled, making Olivia blush. "Well, I'm sure you'll have a good time. So, what's up with all the pictures?"

Olivia appreciated the change of subject. "Going through my mom's old things and I found a box of pictures. A lot of them are actually mine from high school and college". She handed Kathleen a stack, watching as the girl flipped through them. They spent the next twenty minutes going through the pictures and laughing at some of the hairstyles Olivia used to rock. Olivia was in the middle of telling a story about her senior prom when they heard the front door open. A moment later, Elliot was standing in the doorway, watching as they looked through the pictures.

"What are you two up to?" He asked with a small smile. It was nice to see Olivia in a good mood considering how she had shut down the night before. It was especially nice to see Kathleen spending time with her. Everything would be so much easier if everyone got along as well as those two.

"I stopped by to give Liv her presents. Now we're looking at old pictures. Look at her hair!" Kathleen said, handing her dad the picture. Elliot closely examine it, smiling. Her hair was big and curly, but that was the style back then. What amazed him was that her face looked pretty much the same. It was a bit fuller now, but it was becoming to her.

"Alright, I gotta head out" Kathleen announced, standing up. Olivia stuck out her hands, needing some help up. Kathleen pulled her up and wrapped her arms around Olivia in a quick hug. She turned to her father, hugging him. "Can we do a family night soon? I know it might be weird with you, mom, and Liv, but I think it'd be nice".

Elliot looked at Olivia, who simply shrugged. Of course it would be a little awkward at first, but the group being able to function as a family would make things better down the road.

"Maybe Friday night?" He suggested.

"Cool. I'll talk to Mom. Bye guys!" Kathleen quickly left, leaving the two of them alone.

"I see you've been working hard" He joked, noticing that she had only made it through the one box.

"It's been harder than you think" She sighed. "Please tell me that we're going to take a million pictures of this kid when they pop out. It kind of sucks only having three baby pictures".

"A billion" He promised, reaching out as if he was going to tuck her hair behind her ear, but froze a few inches away from her face. She wanted to tell him that it was okay, that he could touch her, but she didn't want to make things any weirder. "Do you want a grilled cheese?" He asked, changing the subject.

"That sounds great. Thanks, El".

* * *

It was nearly five o'clock, and Olivia knew that she was running late. Her hair had been much harder to straighten than she had anticipated, making it so that she was behind schedule from the very when she went to grab her makeup out of the bathroom, she ran into Elliot, who was dripping wet and only wearing a towel around his waist. She hadn't seen him without a shirt since the night they had sex, and she wasn't prepared for what the sight would do to her. To be honest, it shook her up enough that she spent twenty minutes sitting on her bed trying to calm herself down, in more ways than one.

She stood in front of the mirror, running her hands down her body to smooth out the few wrinkles on her gray dress. It was hard to not question her outfit choice when Elliot refused to tell her where they were going. She had opted for this specific dress because it was simple, but still nice. It was a basic long-sleeved dress that cut off at her knees. The only thing she was self conscious about was how much cleavage showed now that her breasts had gotten bigger, but she doubted that Elliot would complain. Normally she'd wear heels with a dress, but tonight she had chosen a pair of black flats. A soft knock on the door made her smile.

"Are you ready? I don't want to miss our reservation" Elliot called through the door.

Olivia made her way over to the bedroom door, opening it for him. He entered the room slowly with his hands behind his back. She watched as he eyed her, taking his time to look her up and down.

"Well, these look like shit compared to you" He said as he revealed the bouquet of flowers he had hidden behind his back.

He had cleaned up rather well himself. She tried to subtly check him out, but he definitely caught her in the act. He was wearing a pair of dark jeans and a button down shirt with a sports jacket. It was a more casual look than what he normally wore to work, but that wasn't a bad thing.

"You look nice...And these are beautiful. Thank you". She took the flowers and walked past him to get to the kitchen and put them in some water. "Alright. I'm ready".

* * *

Olivia hadn't even asked Elliot where they were going because she knew that he wouldn't tell her. So she tried to let go a bit and embrace the idea of a surprise. They had been walking for awhile and she wasn't that familiar with the area, but she trusted him.

"This is it" He said as he grabbed her hand. It was definitely an Italian place, which was good because she _loved_ Italian food. "I've been here a couple of times," he explained, "you're going to love it.''

Elliot led them to the hostess, rattling off the name and time for the reservation. The hostess gave him a confused look."I'm sorry, sir. A couple came in about a half hour ago for a reservation under the name Stabler. Could your reservation be under a different name?"

Olivia had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach, but she decided to brush it off. Mistakes were made every day, it was no big deal. Elliot shook his head and was about to say something when the hostess started to speak again.

"Oh, it seems that we have two reservations under the name Stabler, how strange is that?"

Olivia looked at Elliot, who knew exactly what she was thinking. It wouldn't be strange if it was a name like Johnson or Smith, but Stabler? There was no way that it was just a coincidence. The young woman led them into the main dining area, which was rather crowded for a Tuesday evening. Olivia scanned the room, stopping in her tracks when she saw a familiar face.

"Everything okay?" Elliot asked in a whisper.

"Kathy" she whispered back to him, trying to point without making it obvious. On the opposite side of the room sat his wife with a man that neither of them had ever seen before. She could only assume that this wasn't the first time that the two of them had been out together because they looked comfortable with each other.

Olivia put her hand on Elliot's arm, hoping to pull his attention away from the laughing and obviously flirty pair, but he didn't budge. "Elliot, why don't we go?"

He didn't even think about her offer before answering. "Olivia Margaret Benson, we are going to sit down, relax, and enjoy some delicious food in celebration of your birthday. Kathy is clearly enjoying herself, so we should too". He pulled out her chair, helping her to move closer to the table once she was seated. Olivia would be lying if she said that she wouldn't have been upset if he had chosen to leave. As much as she hated to admit it, it felt nice to be the center of attention for once, but only because it was Elliot's attention.

* * *

Dinner had gone incredibly well considering its rocky start. Kathy and her date left only ten minutes after they had arrived and the blonde never even noticed them, which was a relief to Olivia. While she knew that Kathy and Elliot were getting a divorce, she couldn't help but feel like she was doing something wrong by going out to dinner with him. Her tension had eased as they talked and joked. Elliot had made a couple of recommendations for what she should order, and she was glad that she had listened because the food was absolutely divine.

They were now back in her apartment and watching tv in her bedroom, wearing their pajamas. Elliot was dozing off sitting up with his back against the headboard, even though he had insisted that he wasn't tired enough to sleep yet.

"El, just lay down" She instructed him, gently tugging on his arm. He mumbled something about moving to the couch, but she reached up and put her hand over his mouth, waking him up a bit. "We're adults, we can share the bed". She knew that he was trying to be a gentleman, but she didn't care. Screw being a gentleman. He was tired and he hadn't slept in a real bed for months. He went from the pathetic excuse for a mattress in the cribs and then to her couch, which she knew wasn't the most comfortable to sleep on.

Too tired to protest, he lazily kicked down the covers and laid down. He turned on his side so that he was facing her. He leaned in close, just like he had a couple of times throughout the day, but this time he didn't stop. He placed a chaste kiss on her forehead, making her heart skip a beat. The skin that he had kissed was on fire, but it was a fire that she hoped would never fizzle out.

"Happy birthday Livia" He mumbled, already sailing away to dream land.


	12. Playing House

**AN: Hello my lovely peeps! I started a new job last week and boy did I underestimate how tired I was going to be! I apologize for the wait and I thank you for your continued interest. I promise that more will actually happen in the next chapter. Hope you enjoy!**

Friday, January 26th

It was one in the morning when Olivia's phone started to ring. She had almost been asleep, but the piercing noise ruined that in a matter of seconds. Thankfully she got to her phone before it could wake Elliot though. "Benson" She answered out of habit, momentarily forgetting that she was suspended. That being said, she was surprised to hear Kathleen on the other end. She couldn't quite make out what the girl was saying because she was crying, but she was pretty sure she caught the words "sorry", "lost", and "drunk".

"Kathleen? Is everything okay?" Olivia asked as she made her way out of the bedroom. The girl continued to cry, making her worry even more. "Kathleen?" She repeated a bit louder.

"I messed up, Liv" Kathleen gasped. "I went to a party with this guy and had too much to drink and I went to the bathroom and he was gone. I started walking and now I have no clue where I am and it's so cold". The slurring of her words confirmed the fact that she was indeed drunk, but at least she was still able to speak and from what she had said, walk.

Olivia slipped on her shoes, deciding that getting to Kathleen as quickly as possible was more important than changing into normal clothes. A young, drunk girl wandering the city streets by herself late at night was the recipe for people wanted to judge her for being in her pajamas then so be it, she had a twenty year old to find and bring home. "Ok, you need to take a deep breath" She instructed as she grabbed the keys and her purse. "Can you see any street signs?"

"Yeah but I can't use my GPS because we used all our data and Mom will kill me if I push us over again. Oh my God, you can't tell my mom or dad! They're gonna think I screwed up again". Kathleen was full on sobbing now, breaking Olivia's heart.

"I won't tell them" She sighed, despite the nagging voice in the back of her mind screaming at her to tell Elliot. "If you can see the street signs I'll use my GPS" Olivia explained as she made her way out of the apartment, locking the door behind her. Thankfully, Kathleen could see the signs, giving Olivia something to work with.

It was two-thirty in the morning when Olivia spotted Kathleen sitting on the steps of an old church. She had no idea where Kathleen had walked from, but it seemed that she had traveled pretty far. Olivia put the car in park and hopped out, standing in front of Kathleen. She felt bad for the girl. She sat on the steps, shivering because she wasn't wearing a jacket as tears streamed down her face. Instinctively, Olivia shrugged off her coat, draping it over Kathleen. Olivia sat down next to her, surprised when Kathleen leaned into her. They wrapped their arms around each other, sitting in silence.

"I'm sorry" Kathleen sighed after a moment. "I didn't know who else to call. I messed up so bad".

Olivia rested her chin atop Kathleen's head, letting a small smile grace her face. "Kathleen, I can't even remember how many times I got drunk when I was in college" Olivia chuckled. "Even before I was twenty-one," She added, remembering that Kathleen was only twenty.

"I'm not in college" Kathleen confessed, letting out another sob. "I dropped all of my classes last week. I was going to tell my parents but they're going to hate me".

"Kathleen, your parents won't hate you" Olivia insisted. "They'll be confused and probably upset that you didn't talk to them about it first, but I promise that they won't hate you". She wasn't going to sugar coat it, Elliot was going to be upset, but only because Kathleen didn't tell him about anything. He'd get upset that she called Olivia for help instead of him, but he could _never_ hate his daughter.

"Dad tried to send me to jail" Kathleen retorted. She was right, he did try to do that, but only because he thought that was the only way to get her help. He was misguided in his execution, but his intentions were good. "If it weren't for you and Grandma B I'd be in jail right now".

"He wasn't doing it to punish you or because he doesn't want you anymore" Olivia reassured. "He wanted you to get help and he didn't know what else to do". She didn't know if she should mention the fact that he _did_ talk to his mother for her. This sounded like something that Elliot and Kathleen needed to talk about on their own. "Maybe he could go with you to therapy sometime? It sounds like you could use an impartial third party when you talk about this".

Kathleen nodded, chuckling. "Yeah because you are definitely not impartial".

Olivia brushed off the comment, unsure of what to say in response. "So what happened with school?"

"I'm not ready to go back. I hate my program, and whenever I think about it I get really down. I don't know what to do with my life and now that I'm done with my general education classes…" She trailed off, snuggling further into Olivia's chest.

Olivia understood what she was saying. She was also starting to get cold, but that didn't matter right now. "It's okay to take a semester off and figure out what you want to do. I'm going to give you some advice" Olivia said, pulling away from her so she could look into those pretty blue eyes. She cupped Kathleen's face, feeling how cold she was. "Tell your parents that you'll get a job, volunteer, take some community art classes, anything, and I can guarantee any anger they might have will ease up. They just want you to do something with your life".

Kathleen nodded, but her eyes started to flutter closed. It was probably a combination of the alcohol, her medication, and being plain tired finally catching up to her. They could talk about this some more in the morning. "Come on" Olivia said, standing up and offering Kathleen her hand. "Let's get in the car and turn on the heat". She pulled her up, trying not to chuckle when the girl swayed. She moved so that she was standing behind the blonde, hooking her arms under Kathleen's, just to be safe. The last thing they needed tonight was a visit to the ER. Once in the car, Kathleen fumbled with her seat belt, throwing her head back and giving up before she could actually buckle it. Olivia reached across her and buckled her up like she was a little kid. They had about an hour drive to get back to her apartment, so she told Kathleen to try and get some sleep, hoping that it would help the girl to sober up. Just when Olivia thought she was dozing off she heard her say something that warmed her heart.

"You're going to be an amazing mom, Liv".

* * *

By the time they reached the apartment, Kathleen had indeed sobered up (a tiny bit). She was able to walk without Olivia's assistance, but her balance was still pretty bad. She used the wall to hold herself up, and Olivia tried not to laugh at the sight. As quickly and quietly as she could, Olivia unlocked the door and guided Kathleen over to the couch.

"Where's my dad?" She whispered to Olivia, but it wasn't really a whisper.

"He's sleeping in my bed" Olivia answered, already knowing what the response to that was going to be. "Yes we are sharing the bed, no were are not _sleeping_ together".

Kathleen let out a loud laugh as she flopped down on the couch. "What? Are you worried he's gonna get you pregnant?"

Olivia rolled her eyes, making her way into the kitchen to get Kathleen a glass of water and some aspirin for the morning.

"They're getting a divorce and you two love each other. What are you waiting for?" Kathleen asked as she took her bra off under her shirt.

Olivia stilled for a second, but quickly recovered. Had Elliot said something to her, or was she just making assumptions? Either way, it didn't matter. Elliot was her best friend, partner, and the father of her child. There was no reason to complicate things and risk ruining them. Who was she kidding? He would wind up with Kathy again, he always did. She set the glass and pills down on the coffee table before helping Kathleen to lie down. "I don't know what you're talking about" She sighed as she covered Kathleen with the throw blanket.

"Liv, I'm drunk. Not stupid".

Olivia bent down and kissed her cheek and wished her a goodnight, ending the discussion. She turned to head into the bedroom, stopping when Kathleen called her name.

"Yeah?" She asked, hoping that whatever it was didn't involve her relationship with Elliot.

"You're not going to be an amazing mom... You already are one".

Olivia felt the sting of forming tears in her eyes as her breath hitched. She didn't know what to say other than a mumbled thank you. She retreated into the bedroom, leaving the door cracked open in case Kathleen needed something. She sent a quick text to Kathy to let her know that Kathleen was spending the night before climbing into bed. The tears started to flow the second her head hit the pillow, feeling completely overwhelmed with emotion. Still fast asleep, Elliot rolled over so that he was facing her, reaching out to her. His arm draped over her, pulling her close to him. Rationally, she knew that he was only doing it because he was asleep and had spent his entire adult life as a married man, but right now she wasn't thinking rationally. She carefully lifted his arm off of her, sighing in relief when he didn't wake. It was too much for her with Kathleen's words swimming through her mind, but at the same time she instantly missed the contact and being in his arms sounded so good right now. Why was life so damn confusing? She couldn't even figure out what she wanted. If people thought her job was stressful, they should take a look at her life, especially how things were recently. Going back and forth between getting closer and pushing away was exhausting. She stared at the ceiling for several moments, wishing she could turn it all off. A strangled sob escaped her throat despite her efforts to choke it back.

"Come here" Elliot mumbled as his eyes cracked open. He held up his arm, inviting her back in. He must have sensed her hesitation because a few seconds later he added, "Stop thinking so much". She wished that it was that easy, just _choosing_ to stop overthinking. Maybe it was because she was exhausted physically and emotionally, but not having to make the decision herself was really nice. All she was doing was following orders. Olivia snuggled into his side, resting her head on his bare chest. "Try to get some sleep" He whispered, giving her hip a gentle squeeze.

* * *

Olivia awoke to the feeling of a warm hand on her stomach, covering her baby bump. Her shirt had ridden up on her throughout the night, leaving her stomach exposed. She fought the urge to open her eyes, not wanting to scare Elliot off. It was one thing to be cuddled up while they were asleep, but this kind of contact was new for the awake versions of them. She was curious, and wanted to see what he would do if he thought she was asleep.

"Hey baby" He whispered, obviously trying not to wake Olivia. "It's your daddy".

It took everything in her to force back the smile that wanted to form on her face.

"I just wanted to tell you that I love you very much...And I know that your mom is awake" He tried not to laugh as he said the last part, but cracked when her eyes shot open. "I could feel the shift in your breathing" He explained, keeping his hand on her belly. He was laying on his side facing her, looking directly into her (now) open eyes. "Is this okay?" He carefully asked her, referring to his hand on her.

She nodded, offering him a small smile. The contact was not unwelcome, but the need to overthink was slowly building in her. She wasn't going to tell him to move his hand because she knew that he wanted to be close to the baby. And she wanted him to have that opportunity.

She was enjoying this, but it scared the crap out of her. It all felt so intimate, but that didn't mean that it was not their reality. Being suspended from work and Elliot and Kathy splitting up put them in this weird, temporary world where they shared a bed and acted like cuddling was normal. They were playing house, and she knew that their game would end when they were back in their element. She could only hope that it wouldn't hurt too much when he ran back to Kathy.

"Wanna tell me what's going on up there?" He asked, catching her lost in thought. His tone implied that he already knew that she was going to decline.

"No" She sighed, closing her eyes again. "Feels nice" She mumbled when his hand started to move up and down. Olivia's body jolted when his lips pressed against her abdomen. Why did it have to feel so nice? Elliot moved back up so that they were face to face, moving his hand so that it was resting against her cheek.

"You're glowing" He said with a small smile, making her blush. _Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop thinking. _She repeated over and over again in her head. At the same time, that was one of those things that everyone said to pregnant women. "It's early still" He told her, looking at the alarm clock on her bedside table. "You should try and get some more sleep. You came back to bed around four and it's only eight".

"I had to go pick up Kathleen last night. Everything is okay, she just went to a party and got separated from her friend. She got scared and called me. I didn't want to wake you up for something so small" She explained, leaving out some details here and there. Kathleen would talk to her parents about it later, so there was no need to get Elliot worked up now. His hand moved from her cheek to tuck her hair behind her ear as she spoke. "She's sleeping on the couch. I let Kathy know so she wouldn't be worried".

"Thank you" was all he said at first. A moment later he opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but closed it again. "I hope her friend got home okay". He moved his hand off of her and sat up, reclining back against the pillows and the headboard. At first she thought he did it to get some space from her, but once again he lifted his arm in a silent invitation. Olivia adjusted herself accordingly, resting her head right under his pec. Elliot began to rub her back, smiling when she melted into him. It only took a few minutes for her to fall back asleep, making him smile when she started to softly snore. He would be perfectly content if this was all they did before leaving for family night.


	13. Necessary Conversations

**AN: Thank you so much for your continued support. It really means a lot to me. This may seem random but it will make sense once you read the chapter, but I am not Catholic. I'm basing my knowledge off of my brother. I hope you enjoy and have a great day. **

Friday, January 26th

Kathleen groaned in pain as she awoke, feeling like someone had packed her head full of rocks. "Ugh" She let out from the depths of her throat. It wasn't going to get any better, so she might as well suck it up and get up. Her body was too sore to sit up normally, so she hurled her body to the left, rolling off of the couch as gracefully as she could. "And she sticks the landing" She said to herself in a less than enthused tone. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the aspirin and water that Olivia had left out for her sitting right next to her cellphone. She popped the pills in her mouth and downed the water before snatching her cell off of the coffee table to see if Robbie (the guy she went to the party with) had even tried to contact her. She was shocked to see that it was almost noon. And no, he didn't even send a text. Jerk.

In the distance she could hear what sounded like a tv, so she decided to check it out. Stumbling at first, she made her way down the hall, finding herself standing outside of Olivia's partially open bedroom door. Peaking in, she saw her dad reclined against the pillows holding a sleeping Olivia against his shirtless chest.

It wasn't what she expected when Olivia said they had been sharing the bed, but it certainly didn't freak her out.

"Are you going to come in or are you going to stand there?" Elliot asked with an amused grin.

Kathleen carefully pushed the door open the rest of the way, trying not to wake Olivia. She gave her dad a knowing grin as she shuffled to "his" side of the bed and sat down next to him. Glancing at the tv she saw that he was watching The Price Is Right. Olivia was still out cold, and Kathleen knew that her dad would do everything in his power to make sure she was comfortable. Maybe she could use that to her advantage…

"You know, you could have called me or your mom" Elliot reminded, making her feel bad for a moment. Her intentions weren't to hurt her parents.

"I do know that. I just didn't want you to be mad at me". Just then, Olivia let out a loud snore, making the both of them laugh. "Does she do that a lot?"

Elliot nodded, moving his hand to run it up and down Olivia's back. Alright, maybe it was a _little_ weird that he was comfortable doing that in front of his daughter. It was sweet in a weird way. "Dad, I have to tell you something" She started. It was time to rip off the bandaid. "I dropped all of my classes last week. Business just isn't for me, but I don't know what exactly is".

Elliot visibly stiffened. "You did what?" He questioned.

"I dropped out. I made a rash decision, but I don't regret it" She said feigning confidence. Kathleen desperately tried to remember the advice that Olivia had given her last night. It was fuzzy, but she managed to remember something. "I'm going to get a job and get involved in the community while I figure out what I want to do with my life". She could see that her dad was frustrated, but to her amazement he managed to hold it together. This was usually the part where he started to yell, but it never came.

"Why didn't you talk to me about this?" He asked her, clearly upset.

"I didn't want you to be disappointed in me" She sighed, knowing that it didn't make much sense. "I mean, I just didn't want you to think it was because I messed up again. You already have so many reasons to think I'm a screw up. I didn't want to add more to the list".

"Kathleen, you aren't a screw up. If you think that taking a semester off is what you need to do, then do it".

It wasn't supposed to be that easy. "Seriously?" She pressed. "That's it? Do what you need to do? Who are you and what have you done with my father?"

Elliot shrugged, accidentally making Olivia slide down his chest a bit. "If you want me to be honest, I am a little disappointed, but only because I'm scared that you'll decide to give up on getting an education. You're smart sweetheart, and I know that you can be successful in anything you put your mind to".

"Really?" She asked. He had never said anything like that to her before.

"Really".

He extended his arm out to Kathleen, giving her as good of a hug as he could manage in this current situation. "I have to ask. Am I getting my money back?"

Kathleen nodded. "A full refund. I have the check stuffed in my pillow case. I'll give it to you when you come over for family night. Hopefully mom takes the news as well as you did. If I hurry up I can catch her on her lunch break". Kathleen stood up and walked over to the doorway. "Can you thank Liv for me when she wakes up?"

"Of course" He told her.

Kathleen turned to walk away, but stopped once more. "I love you dad".

"I love you too".

Less than a minute later, his cellphone started to ring, waking Olivia with a start. "What the hell?" She grumbled, reaching out for her cell. "Benson" She answered, groaning when she realized that it wasn't hers. Elliot tried not to laugh as he answered his phone, the one that was actually ringing.

"Stabler. Yeah, yeah of course. What about Liv? Okay, I'll let her know" He hung up the phone and smiled at her. "That was Cragen. My psych eval is Tuesday at ten and yours is right after mine".

They could be going back to work soon, and Olivia didn't know if that was a good thing, or a bad thing.

Stabler Residence

"Come on, Liv. It's just dinner and probably a couple of games" Elliot reassured her as he parked the car.

She stared out the window at the house, dreading going inside. "I know that. It's just that the only people I've seen since this all started are Kathy and Kathleen. Your kids are probably going to have a million questions".

"And we'll answer them the best we can". His hand rested on her knee, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "You're badass Olivia Benson. You can handle some awkwardness".

He was right. She could handle this.

* * *

Olivia stabbed her fork into her salad, listening to all of the conversations happening around her. She was sitting between Dickie and Lizzy and across from Maureen. Elliot was seated at one end of the table and Kathy sat at the other end with Eli in her lap. Kathleen had tried to swipe the seat that Lizzy was in, but she didn't make it there in time. She wound up next to Maureen and across from Dickie. Olivia didn't mean to be antisocial, it was just difficult to pick which conversation to join into. From the bits and pieces she could hear Kathy and Lizzy talking about the school's musical auditions, and Elliot and Dickie were talking about the wrestling season. She had no idea what Kathleen and Maureen were talking about, but whatever it was must have been funny because both of them were red in the face from laughing.

"Liv?" Elliot called. "Are you still with us?" He joked, making her blush. Truthfully she wasn't, and she hadn't been the whole time.

She shook her head and mumbled an apology, taking her last bite of pot roast, which was delicious by the way.

"Dickie asked if we could go to his wrestling match on Monday since we're still out of work".

"Of course. Sounds great" She agreed, trying to ignore the fact that Elliot had referred to them as _we_.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Kathy struggling to eat because Eli wanted to play. At the beginning of the meal he had been perfectly content sitting in his high chair and eating his dinner, but a few minutes later he started to scream until Kathy took him out and held him. Olivia was just about finished with her dinner, so she decided to offer to help her out. "I can take him" She said when she picked up on a pause in their conversation.

"Only if you're sure" Kathy said, passing Eli to Lizzy, who passed him to Olivia.

The boy immediately grabbed onto her necklace, making her chuckle. "You like my necklace?" She cooed, not realizing that Elliot was watching her intently as he spoke. She managed to get it out of the toddler's grasp so that she could bounce him in her lap. Eli started to giggle and she couldn't help but to feel proud. She was mesmerized by the way his curls bounced a half a second after the rest of his body, and in that moment she hoped that those curls somehow came from Elliot's side of the family so their child would have them.

"You should really have a boy" Dickie said, speaking to her for the first time since they had sat down to eat.

"I'll make sure to tell my doctor that" She replied dryly, making the teen laugh.

"She's having a girl" Elliot told his oldest son with a confident smile.

"You think or you know?" Lizzy asked for clarification.

"He _thinks _he knows" Maureen said with a smug grin. "He hasn't been wrong yet" She and Kathy said at the same time, making everyone at the table break out in a fit of laughter. Elliot was staring at Olivia, and he wasn't even trying to hide it.

"So have you thought about names? Or who the Godparents are going to be?" Lizzy asked with an excited look on her face.

"I actually haven't" Olivia confessed. "I guess I've been trying to process and accept that this is real" She sighed, surprising herself with her openness. They hadn't even discussed the idea of Godparents or religion in general. It just wasn't something that she thought was important right now. "I don't know if I'm doing the whole Godparent thing".

It got so quiet that they could hear a pin drop.

"Why not?" Elliot asked, unhappy with her response. "All of the kids have Godparents" He told her as if that should matter.

"I'm not Catholic". The two of them were staring at each other as if they were the only two in the room.

"So the fact that I am means nothing to you?" Elliot challenged, crossing his arms over his chest. Kathy chose that moment to announce that Maureen had made brownies for dessert, ending their discussion before it got ugly. What the rest of the Stabler clan didn't understand was that this was normal for them. They'd butt heads and challenge each other every day on the job. That's why they worked so well together. Having different views made it easier for them to talk and share those views, building their communication skills. This little spat wasn't personal, but it did serve as a reminder that they needed to start talking about these things now.

"Alright, I have to ask. Whose last name will the baby have?" Dickie asked with that shit-eating grin that Elliot frequently wore. He knew that he had just fanned the flames, and he was proud of it. Olivia adjusted Eli in her lap so that he was facing the table.

"Ours" Elliot answered without a shred of doubt.

It struck a chord with Olivia, how he had said _ours_, referring to the group of people around her. Kathy was a part of that group, but she wasn't. That wasn't her last name. She was sure that he hadn't meant for it to sting, but it did.

Olivia slowly nodded. She wanted their child to fit in, but at the same time…"I agree. Stabler should be _one_ of the last names".

Elliot raised a brow while all of the kids looked at each other. This was one of the few manners that she had thought about long and hard. She knew that this would come up eventually, but she hadn't expected it to be at family night. She briefly considered just agreeing with him for now and revisiting the subject later, but it felt wrong to lead him on. "I was thinking we could hyphenate our names. I don't want my child and I to have completely different last names, so I was thinking we could do Benson-Stabler". Her explanation was calm and rational, which was probably why Elliot's response was too.

"I could deal with that". No one had expected the conversation to be so calm and short.

"Holy shit" Dickie gasped, earning himself a scolding look from both of his parents. "I'm sorry! But did you see that? Dad compromised with somebody without yelling". He put his hand on his chest, in pretend shock. "Isn't that one of the signs of the end of times?"

"That's the second time today" Kathleen added. "One more time and we're all done for".

Maureen stood up and grabbed her plate, asking everyone if they were done or not before making her way into the kitchen and setting the dishes in the sink. "Can we play charades? We haven't played charades in years and it's so much fun with a big group" Maureen practically begged. "You love charades, right mom?"

Kathy nodded. "I do, but is everyone okay with one team of three and one team of four?"

"Well actually, we'll have enough for two teams of four or three teams of two" Maureen said as she walked over to the front door. "I hope nobody minds but I invited Mark". She opened the door and let him in before anyone could respond.

"Who the hell is Mark?" Olivia heard Elliot whisper to Dickie.

"Her boyfriend. They've been together for like a month but she's never brought him here before".

Olivia watched as Elliot clenched his jaw, looking at the young man that his daughter had invited to family night. So far he was doing everything right, kicking off his shoes and putting them with the others, hanging his coat on the rack. Maureen escorted him over to the table so that he could meet everyone. The boy must have been raised right (or warned about Elliot) because he extended his hand to him with an impressive confidence, but he wasn't cocky. "It's a pleasure to meet you ".

"Same to you" Elliot returned with a small smile. Maureen grabbed Mark's hand, dragging him to the opposite end of the table to introduce him to Kathy.

" " He greeted curtly.

"You can call me Kathy" She told him politely. Chances were that he hadn't even heard about the impending divorce or he just assumed to call her "Mrs".

"Ok so this is my sister Lizzy, my brother Richard-"

"Dickie".

Maureen rolled her eyes before continuing. "Dick. This is Kathleen-"

"The recent college drop out" Dickie added, earning himself a glare from Kathleen and a scolding from Kathy and Elliot.

"ANYWAY...this is my little brother Eli, and my dad's…" She trailed off, unsure of what to call her. "Olivia" She said eventually.

"Smooth" Dickie teased. "But seriously, what do we say you are to us?" He asked Olivia putting her on the spot. She locked stares with Elliot, silently begging him for help. They were friends and colleagues that just happened to be having a baby together.

"She's family" Kathy told them after a while. "Our situation is certainly unique, but we're a family".

Mark looked even more confused now. "Why is it unique?"

"Oh my God! You didn't tell him?" Lizzy yelled, slamming her hands down on the table and cackling.

"Didn't tell me what?"

"Olivia is pregnant with our little brother or sister" Maureen tried to explain simply. "I'll tell you about it later". The group sat in an awkward silence for a moment until Maureen spoke again.

"So, charades?"

* * *

They decided to form two teams of four. Splitting up the twins had been a group decision. The two of them their own language when they were little, which was enough for Maureen to insist that they be separated. Kathy captained one team and Maureen the other, making things rather interesting from the beginning.

Mark was the obvious first choice for Maureen's team, but she instead chose Lizzy, claiming that she was the most valuable asset. Kathy's first choice was Elliot, and Olivia desperately tried not to read too far into it. Maureen then picked Mark, apologizing for not choosing him first. Much to her surprise, Olivia was Kathy's second choice. Maureen chose Kathleen last, that way the twins were apart. Everyone wrote down prompts and put them in a bowl. Most of them were tv shows and popular movies, but that was merely a coincidence. They played for almost an hour, and it was a lot more fun than Olivia thought it would be. It turns out that the four of them made a good team because they dominated over Maureen's team. The good news was that they were all playing for fun, not to win, so there were no hard feelings. The whole experience helped her to relax and just enjoy their company.

* * *

Olivia offered to help Kathy with the dishes while Elliot went upstairs to get Eli ready for bed. The girls (being Kathleen and Lizzy) retreated to their bedroom, Dickie sat on the couch playing on his xbox talking smack through the headset, and Maureen and Mark left to meet up with some friends. The noise level had dropped significantly, leaving the two women in a comfortable quietness.

"You really don't have to do this Olivia, you're a guest" Kathy said as she dried off a plate.

"I thought I was family" Olivia retorted, making Kathy smile and shake her head.

"You and Elliot are so similar that it's scary". Olivia didn't know if Kathy had meant that as a compliment or not, but she decided to take it as one. They continued to clean up in silence until the dishes were done. Kathy handed Olivia a towel so that she could dry her hands. "Speaking of Elliot, has he mentioned anything about getting a place of his own or…?" She trailed off, leaning against the counter. Olivia rolled down her sleeves before answering.

"No, he hasn't".

"Huh" Kathy huffed. "I guess he plans on staying with you for a while". She didn't look hurt. She didn't look mad. She didn't look sad, but she _did_ look annoyed.

"Or maybe he plans on coming home eventually" She suggested, making Kathy furrow her brow in confusion.

"Why would he do that?"

Olivia shrugged. "The same reason he does every time I suppose". Truthfully, it was hard saying what she feared out loud, especially to Kathy.

"Olivia, Elliot and I are _over. _We would have been divorced years ago if I didn't wind up pregnant. When I saw you guys on Wednesday I assumed...Never mind" Kathy cut herself off, realizing that she essentially ratted herself out.

"You saw us?" Olivia questioned, completely shocked.

"I did. I didn't say anything because I was scared I'd ruin your birthday dinner. Besides, Elliot and Josh go way back. If Josh saw him they would have talked for hours". So Elliot knew that man? Weird that he never explained that to her. No wonder he had kept his calm, he didn't feel threatened. But why wouldn't he tell her that? "The only reason I asked about him getting a place is because he'll need an address when we make a custody agreement for Eli. It seems like you two have more to talk about than you thought" Kathy said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

They sure did.


	14. Nightmare

**AN: Hello my lovely peeps! I apologize for taking so long to update. I lost someone very near and dear to me last week and it's been hard to function as a person and act like everything is okay. Everything I've written since then has wound up being sad and that's not what I want for this story. I also apologize for how short this chapter is, especially in comparison to the most recent ones. Love you all and hope you have a great day. **

_Tuesday, January 30th_

"_Thanks again for letting me steal one of your shirts" Olivia said as she pulled back the covers and climbed into the comfortable bed. It had been a long day of cleaning out the second bedroom and picking up boxes of Elliot's belongings from the house in Queens and they were both absolutely exhausted. She had asked Elliot to grab her a shirt to wear to bed and he tossed her one his t-shirts out of a box, saying that he didn't want to dig through her drawers. Admittedly, she was loving wearing his old Mets shirt because it was so big and comfy. _

"_Thanks again for letting me steal your bed" He retorted with a small grin as he mimicked her motions. They both laid on their sides so that they were facing each other, simply enjoying each other's company. After a couple of moments, Elliot reached out and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. She let out a contented sigh when he adjusted so that he could rub her aching back. He knew how to treat a pregnant woman. _

_The bedside lamp was still on, leaving the two of them in the warm glow. It felt right, peaceful even. Elliot removed one hand from her back, bringing it up to cup her face. He leaned in closer until his forehead was resting against hers, making her breath hitch. His beautiful blue eyes bore into hers with an intensity that she had never seen before, sending a shiver down her spine as her skin broke out in goosebumps. _

"_You're beautiful" He sighed._

_The next thing she knows his lips are on hers in a heated kiss. His hands made their way to her hips, gently grabbing them and pulling her up so that she was on top of him. She broke off the kiss so that she could tell him something. Moving so that her mouth was hovering right next to his ear she whispered, "I want you". It was a bold move for them, but in this position she could feel that he wanted her too. Maybe it was the hormones but all she could think about lately was how good it would feel to be under him, receiving every inch- A yelp tore from her throat when his hands pushed up the hem of her shirt, making contact with her bare skin and interrupting her train of thought. _

"_Take it off, Mike. Or I will" A voice boomed from the doorway. Ever the protector, Elliot flipped them over so that his body was blocking hers from view. Just like he had on the night of the incident. Looking over Elliot's shoulder, she saw Bushido watching them with a wicked grin, pointing a gun directly at the back of Elliot's head. _

"_El?" She questioned as she turned her attention back to him, but it wasn't Elliot's eyes that she was met with. Instead it was Lowel Harris. He covered her mouth before she could scream._

"_Bite me and you're dead bitch" Harris growled at her as he pushed her so that she was lying flat on her back. He removed his hand from her mouth, grabbing her wrist and pinning it down. _

"_Elliot!" She screamed as she bucked up and tried to kick her legs, but it was too late. Harris already had her legs pinned under him, using his knees to lock them into place. She closed her eyes as tight as possible. Maybe it wouldn't happen if she couldn't see it. Ten seconds later his weight was off of her. She opened her eyes, finding herself in the middle of the floor in an abandoned, yet familiar warehouse. _

"_One wrong move and it's lights out"._

_She knew that voice. It belonged to none other than Victor Gitano. Sitting up, she saw Elliot sitting on his knees less than twenty feet away from her. Gitano stood behind him with a gun pointed at Elliot's head. Harris stood to Gitano's left and Bushido to his right, all of them with their weapons aimed at Elliot. _

"_Just shoot him!" Elliot yelled at her. "We can't put each other before the job". _

_How was she supposed to shoot anyone? She was standing in the middle of a warehouse in her pajamas without her gun and didn't have a radio to call for backup. She was powerless to stop them. Using all of the strength she could muster, she stood herself up. As soon as she was up a slender arm wrapped around her neck, holding a piece of a broken wine bottle up to her throat with their opposite hand. What the hell was going on? She couldn't breathe and she couldn't see their face, but she knew exactly who it was once they spoke. _

"_You have your father's eyes. I'll never be able to forget those eyes" Serena slurred as she moved the jagged glass closer to Olivia's throat. Despite her drunken state, Serena's grip was tight and Olivia couldn't get out of it. _

"_Mom! Please stop!" Olivia cried. This wasn't the first time that this has first time was on Olivia's seventeenth birthday. "It's me, your daughter!" _

"_How could I ever love someone conceived by that monster?" Her mother sobbed, pulling the shard of glass closer to her daughter's throat. _

_Olivia locked stares with Elliot as she struggled, and she knew that this was the end. They were going to die. She knew that Elliot wasn't going to go down without a fight, and she could see the gears turning in his head as he tried to formulate a plan. Just then, Kathleen appeared behind Gitano. Then Dickie. Then Lizzie. Then Maureen. The children formed a semi circle behind the felons, but it was like they couldn't see the men with the guns. _

"_Whose last name is the baby gonna have?" Dickie asked._

"_You didn't tell him?" Lizzie cackled. _

"_They're gonna kill me!" Kathleen cried._

"_This is my dad's...Olivia" Maureen sighed. _

_They kept repeating themselves over and over again, slowly driving Olivia mad as she struggled to fight off her mother. It was getting louder with each second as everyone screamed their piece, but the one she could make out the clearest was Elliot telling her to take the shot. _

_If she thought that things couldn't get any worse, she was dead wrong. Eli was now at her feet, tugging at her pant leg. He was crying his eyes out and there was nothing she could do to help him. Where was Kathy? It was getting harder to breathe and the world was growing fuzzy. She could see that Elliot was about to make a move to help her, but she knew that if he did, he'd be dead. _

_A tiny squeak escaped her mouth when she tried to tell him to stop, but it didn't stop him. Elliot lunged forward and all three guns went off. _

"_NO!" She screamed as she crumbled. The sudden drop of her body weight was enough to throw off her mother, forcing her to release her hold on Olivia and the jagged piece of glass. The glass shattered as soon as it hit the ground, littering the floor with hundreds of fragments. There was so much blood…_

_She broke out in sobs, burying her face in her hands while Elliot lie lifeless before her. _

"_You've made quite the mess here, Olivia. I thought I raised you better than that. I expect this all to be cleaned up by morning" Her mother said, making her look up again. Gitano, Bushido, and Harris had disappeared, along with the Stabler children. Olivia crawled to Elliot on her hands and knees, completely ignoring the stinging pain the shards of glass caused her. She grabbed his shoulder, shaking it as hard as she could, as if it was possible for her to simply wake him from the dead. _

"_Elliot!" She cried. "You have to wake up! Elliot, please! I need you. WE need you". _

"_Wake up" She heard his voice say, but his mouth didn't move. She was sure that he was dead considering the bullet hole in the back of his skull and the matching two on his back. "Liv, come on. Wake up!"_

* * *

"Liv, come on!" He said a bit louder. Her eyes shot open and immediately locked on his, sending a wave of relief crashing over her body. He was okay. It was just a nightmare.

"We have to get ready. It's already eight thirty. We have to be out of here by nine fifteen at the absolute latest. Tucker will have a field day if he finds out that we were late for our psych evals" Elliot groaned.

That's right. Today they would meet with a shrink who would decide if they should remain partners or not. No wonder her dream had been so crazy. She was nervous, and stressed, and dreading having to tell the story of the _incident_ over and over again. Then there was the fact that they hadn't talked about anything since family night on Friday and all of those questions were haunting her.

But right now she couldn't stop staring up at him. There weren't any guns to his head and he was alive and well.

_Thank God_, she thought to herself.

"Are you okay? I don't know what you were dreaming about but you certainly didn't look happy".

Still unable to speak, Olivia nodded. She was okay.

Well, she was going to be.


	15. Human

_Then_

_Tuesday, January 30th_

"_How was it?" Olivia asked the second came back into her view. His expression was neutral but his fists were clenched at his sides, giving off mixed signals. He took a seat in the chair next to her and let out a breath. _

"_It wasn't terrible, but she got me to say more than I wanted to". She watched as he bit his cheek and shook his head. They had done this before. Why was it so hard this time? _

_"I accidentally told her that I've been staying with you. Then I had to go into everything with Kathy asking for a divorce". Olivia was about to ask what the hell possessed him to tell her that, but she was cut off by her name being called by the woman at the front desk. _

"_You got this" Elliot whispered to her, making her smile despite her stressed out state. _

"_Denise is ready for you. It's the second door on the left" The polite young woman told Olivia, sending her on her way._

* * *

_Olivia slowly turned the knob on the door to the office, but she pushed it open confidentially. The woman that sat at the desk took her by surprise, but only because she looked nothing like Olivia had imagined. Her hair was short, a pixie cut, and it was completely gray. She was obviously older, but she wore the years well. Only a few wrinkles had formed at the corners of her eyes and on her forehead, but other than that her skin looked better than Olivia's. A pair of thick-rimmed black glasses sat atop the woman's head, ready to be used at any moment. Unlike Olivia's usual, muted work attire, this woman wore a cheetah print button up shirt and hoop earrings. _

"_Hello. You must be Detective Benson. Take a seat dear" She welcomed, gesturing to the chair on the other side of her desk. "My name is Denise Richards and I'm going to ask you some questions. Despite what has implied, I will be the one deciding whether or not you and Detective Stabler can remain partners. This isn't a test and it's not a punishment, so please try to put that out of your mind. This is a very unique situation and I want to make sure that I make a choice that suits everyone's best interests, so I need you to be open and honest with me. Okay?" _

_Olivia fought the urge to roll her eyes at the load of bullshit that spilled out of Denise's mouth. No one cared about what was best for her and Elliot. They were worried about covering their own asses. Knowing that throwing an attitude at the woman wouldn't help, Olivia forced a smile as she nodded. _

"_Good. So, tell me what happened" Denise said with a grin plastered on her face. Olivia watched as the older woman grabbed her notepad and a pen, flipping to free page. _

"_I went to Detective Stabler's cover house-"_

"_No, no. I need some background information. Why did you go to the house?" _

_Olivia took a deep breath, trying to keep her frustration at bay. At least when they went through this a few years ago someone they knew evaluated woman wanted to know everything, and Olivia feared that would lead to the end of their partnership. _

"_I got a call from his wife. She asked me where Elliot was. He didn't let her know that he was going undercover. She said that she was done being an afterthought and that she was packing a bag and leaving with their children. I went to their house and talked her into giving him another chance. I told her that I'd make sure that he gave her a call, and it was then that I realized that he had not made any contact with myself or our captain since he went under. So I went and got another phone and took it to him" Olivia stated plainly as she toyed with her hands in her lap. This was so much harder than she thought it was going to be. _

"_Did you speak with your captain before going to Detective Stabler's cover house?" _

"_No" Olivia sighed. _

_Denise didn't say anything. She scribbled down some notes for what felt like an eternity, making Olivia understand what Elliot had meant. She was good at picking up on the tiniest of details and then expanding on that. _

"_Look, I know that I broke protocol. I wasn't thinking about the consequences of my actions because I was too busy thinking about his. Elliot's family is __everything__ to him, and he's very lucky to have that, and I didn't want him to lose that because…" She trailed off, feeling the sting of forming tears in her eyes. _

"_Take your time" Denise reassured her as she handed a box of tissues over to Olivia. _

"_I feel ridiculous for crying" Olivia admitted as she wiped at the tears. _

"_Why?" _

_Olivia shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it makes me feel weak". She couldn't believe that she was actually saying this out loud. _

"_Ok, can I say something to you off the record?" Denise asked she set her pen and notepad back on the desk. She waited until Olivia nodded to continue. "You have worked in the special victims unit for ten years when the average tour is two years. You have dealt with the aftermath of some of the hardest criminals in the country and still wake up the next day and jump right back in. It's obvious that you and Detective Stabler are close and care about each other outside of the job, but that doesn't make this situation any easier. You are not weak, you are __reacting__. You are a human being". _

_The two women sat in silence for a couple of minutes while Olivia digested what she was told, and regained her composure. "Thank you, I needed to hear that" Olivia sighed. So far this woman was far nicer than Olivia expected her to be. But all good things must come to an end._

"_You're welcome dear. Now, let's get back on track"._

_They dove back in to the events of that night in November, sparing no detail. Denise let Olivia take the reigns and steer the conversation while she wrote down some notes here and there. It was going well until Olivia finished the tale. _

"_I have a few more questions for you and then we'll be done here" Denise said as she skimmed over her notes. "How have things been between you and Detective Stabler since then?" _

_Olivia thought back to the month of silence, followed by the weeks of progress, the random moments of intimacy, and the bonding experiences she's had with both him and his family. Things have been crazy since November, but she wouldn't say that they were bad. "Different", was the first word that Olivia could think of. She wasn't doing great with the whole open and honest thing anymore. _

"_Well, you're having a child together, so I'm sure that has brought about a lot of changes. Especially with him staying with you" Denise added. "How has that been?"_

_Olivia chose her next words carefully. "Elliot was staying with me for a few weeks before we were suspended, so I'd say that it didn't impact our work"._

"_That's not what I asked, but thank you for that" Denise said before biting her bottom lip in frustration. _

"_Do you think parenting together will impact your performance on the job?" _

"_Absolutely not" Olivia answered with full confidence. Even in their darkest times they were able to do the job, and do it well. Their closure rates spoke for themselves. _

"_Alright. Last question. Do you think this would have happened if you were partnered with Detective Munch or Tutuola?" _

"_I don't have the ability to know how imaginary events would turn out" Olivia answered with more bite than she had intended. But what kind of a question is that? She seriously doubted that Elliot was asked the same thing. _

"_Noted. I have everything I need. I will inform and your captain of my decision"._


	16. Inching Forward

**AN: Hello my lovely peeps! I hope you all have been enjoying yourselves. I apologize that this chapter is choppy. Love y'all and hope you enjoy!**

Friday, February 2nd

"Oh my God" Olivia groaned at the harsh shrill ringing of a cell phone. Without opening her eyes, she reached out for her phone. The disturbance wouldn't be as bad if it was Cragen calling to let her know that they could come back to work, but she doubted that. It was now Friday morning and they still hadn't heard anything from their captain or Tucker, and she wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.

The alarm clock on the bedside table read 6:31. She looked over her shoulder at Elliot, amazed that he managed to sleep through the obnoxious ring. He had always been a light sleeper, but they didn't go to bed until pretty late. "Benson" She answered through a yawn.

"Hey it's Kathy. I tried to call Elliot first but he didn't answer. Can I ask you a huge favor? I forgot that Eli's daycare is closed today for staff training. Could you guys take him for the day?"

"Of course" Olivia said with an excited smile. The last couple of days had been boring, so she was looking forward to a change of pace. Playing with little Eli would be fun.

"Great. Thank you so much. I'm already standing outside of your building so could you please buzz me in?"

"Yeah!". Olivia jumped up out of bed, hearing the line go dead as a loud buzzing could be heard from the box next to the door. She flicked on the light switch as she made her way down the hall and set her phone down on the coffee table before letting Kathy up. A soft knock on the door a couple of moments later made Olivia smile. She practically threw the door open, making Kathy jump. She saw Kathy bite her lip as a smile formed on her face. It looked like she was trying not to laugh.

"Your hair looks so good" Kathy chuckled.

It was then that Olivia remembered that she had gone to bed right after her shower again. She could only imagine how wild it looked. "Thanks" Olivia laughed as she stepped aside to let them in. Kathy made her way over to the couch, furrowing her brow in confusion. She shrugged the diaper bag off of her shoulder, setting it down on the coffee table.

"Where's Elliot?" She asked as she passed Eli over to Olivia. He looked like he had just woken up. He snuggled into her, resting his head against her chest. Olivia hesitated for a second, feeling as though they had been caught in the act, when in fact there was no act to begin with.

"He's still sleeping" Olivia answered, gesturing down the hall with her head.

"Oh", was all Kathy said. The two women looked at each other in silence for a moment, both of them feeling the tension growing thicker. "I'm not mad. I just thought…" She trailed off, unsure of how to vocalize what she was feeling.

"It's not what-"

"No. No, seriously. It's okay. I'm the one that asked for a divorce, remember?" Kathy interrupted her, "Thank you again for taking him at the last minute... Do you guys want to come over for dinner and maybe we could all watch a movie? I'm sure the kids would love that". Things were getting better between them, but that didn't make this little encounter any less awkward.

"I appreciate that you're including me, but if you think the kids want a night with _just_ Elliot, I'd be okay".

"They want you there, trust me,'' Kathy reassured. "So I'll see you guys later?"

"We'll be there" Olivia promised. "Say bye mommy. Have a good day at work" She cooed, picking up his hand and waving it at Kathy. The blond leaned in and kissed his cheek, ruffling his hair with her fingers.

"Be good for Livy. He has everything he needs in the diaper bag. If you want to go back to sleep for an hour or two he'll definitely go back down. Then he usually naps from twelve-thirty to around two. Call me if you need anything" Kathy called over her shoulder before leaving.

Olivia looked down at the little boy in her arms, unsure of what to do from there. His eyes were fluttering, clearly fighting off sleep. She carefully tugged on the sleeve of his jacket, working it off slowly so she wouldn't disturb him. Then she moved on to his little shoes. Once he was down to his baby sweatpants and t-shirt she carried him down the hall into the bedroom.

"Let's go cuddle with daddy" Olivia whispered. The idea of having Eli in bed with them made her nervous, but she didn't really have a choice. They'd have to talk about this set up later. Olivia pushed the door closed with her leg, cringing when it let out a loud creak. Elliot stirred, opening his eyes to see Olivia standing by the door with Eli in her arms.

"_Oh, so that wakes him up" _She groaned mentally.

"Kathy asked if we could take him for the day. Oh, and we're going to your house for dinner and a movie with the kids. Eli and I were just about to go back to bed" Olivia explained as she sat down on her side of the bed.

"Come here buddy" Elliot said in his raspy morning voice, holding his arms out for Eli. She watched as Elliot settled his son on top of him so that they were stomach to stomach. He protectively wrapped his arms around the toddler, but not tight enough to hurt him. It was obvious that they had done this before. Once they were settled, Elliot freed a hand and patted the bed next to him. Olivia laid down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. Words can't describe how nice this felt. It was nice to see the usually tense and angry Detective Stabler be replaced with Elliot, the loving father.

"Tell me" Elliot whispered, noticing that she was staring at him.

"This is nice" Olivia admitted. "I've never seen you so relaxed before".

"Back at ya" He retorted with a slight chuckle. As carefully as he could, he lifted his left arm, inviting her to move in closer. She turned onto her side, resting her cheek against his chest, only a few inches away from Eli. She brought her hand left arm up so that her hand could rest on Eli's back, her pinky brushing Elliot's thumb. Elliot placed a kiss atop Eli's head, but he didn't stop there. Even though it was hard to move with the extra weight on his chest, he leaned forward so his lips pressed against her forehead, not once, not twice, but three times.

God did she want him to keep going.

This was uncharted territory for them, but it felt so natural. It was hard for her to fight off the images of a lazy Sunday morning spent in bed exchanging little kisses and laughs. But then she remembered the look on Kathy's face when she found out that Elliot had been sleeping in her bed. She was finally working through her guilt over the whole _incident_, but now she had that imagine lingering in the back of her mind to haunt her.

"Where'd you go?" She heard Elliot ask her. "I lost you for a second there".

She pushed back those negative thoughts, choosing to simply enjoy the here and now. "I'm here" She reassured him.

* * *

Elliot and Eli woke up about an hour later. She stayed awake, mostly because she wound herself up by thinking about potential names and imagining what their child would look like. This had been a problem for her the last few nights, but there was nothing she could do to get her mind off of it.

She took Eli into the living room while Elliot showered, watching as he ran around the room. How could he possibly have so much energy at eight in the morning?He ran up to her several times, and she'd lift him high above her head or spin him around, making him squeal with glee.

Everything was going fine until her stomach lurched.

Although her morning sickness had lessened significantly, she still experienced the occasional nausea. Like right now. She tried to breathe deeply and focus her attention on the babbling little boy, but it didn't help. Right now she had to make a choice. Was she fine with throwing up in the trash can, or was she going to barge in on Elliot so she could heave into the toilet? Neither sounded good, but the clock was ticking and there was no time to think. She ran down the hall and pounded on the bathroom door, yelling something along the lines of "I'm gonna puke" before throwing the door open. She dropped to her knees just in time, emptying her stomach into the toilet, but it felt like the puking just wouldn't end. She heard the water turn off abruptly. Elliot's arm snaked through the curtain and grabbed the towel off of the hook on the wall, bringing it into the shower. A moment later the curtain moved and Elliot stepped out with a towel wrapped around his waist. Still dripping wet, he dropped down next to her and held her hair back as she finished up. She sat back on her heels, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"I'm sorry" She sighed. "Easier clean up in here" She explained, as if she even owed him an explanation.

"It's okay. Feel better?"

She nodded, running her fingers through her hair. "You uh, you can go get dressed now" She told him, feeling warmth spread across her cheeks when it finally clicked that a soaking wet Elliot was sitting next to her on the bathroom floor wearing only a towel.

"Did you _blush_?" Elliot teased her as he carefully stood up.

"Like you wouldn't if the roles were reversed" Olivia countered, holding out her hand for assistance.

"I certainly wouldn't tell you to get dressed" He mumbled just loud enough for her to hear. "I'll grab Eli and get dressed".

* * *

"Are you sure it's not too cold?" Olivia asked for the third time since they left her apartment ten minutes ago. He had suggested that they take a walk and go to the park that was only a couple of blocks from her apartment. Eli was full of energy and there wasn't much for him to do in her apartment. It certainly wasn't the coldest winter day, but it was still cold enough that the tip of her nose was red.

"He'll be fine" Elliot insisted. "He's got his hat, his gloves, and his coat".

"And we'll be running around" Olivia added. It seemed that he had won this round.

For a moment he wished that he had the ability to step out of his body so he could see what they looked like. The three of them were walking down the sidewalk at a leisurely pace. Eli was between them with Elliot holding his right hand and Olivia holding his left. It felt so natural, but Elliot wanted to know if it _looked_ natural. He wanted to know that his heart and mind weren't playing with him. He wanted to know if other people could see it too.

"Maybe we can grab lunch after the park?" Olivia asked. They had only just eaten breakfast, but he wouldn't deny her. She was carrying his child and for that alone she deserved everything she could possibly want.

"Whatever you want" He promised.

""Whatever I want?" She challenged, looking him up and down. "I hope you know that you just promised to give me a foot rub later".

* * *

"Li!" Little Eli screamed as she pushed the swing a little bit higher. Olivia grinned as he repeated his nickname for her a few more times, squealing in delight. Every time she mentioned something about stopping or pushed him a little softer, he'd whine. Elliot had told her that he'd be okay if she wanted to stop, but it broke her heart to upset him. She could feel Elliot's eyes on her, and she managed to ignore it for the most part.

"Thank you" He said out of nowhere. He took a step closer so that he could take over pushing for a few minutes.

"For what?" She asked, stuffing her hands into her pocket.

"Everything" He said simply. "For letting me stay with you, for letting me have Eli over, just...everything".

She nodded, unsure of what to say. "You don't have to thank me" She reassured. "I would like to know what you're thinking about that".

"You mean my living arrangement?" He asked to clarify. He gave Eli one more firm push before taking a step back so his son could gradually slow down. The little boy whined in protest, but Elliot reassured him that they were going to go down the slide next. Olivia nodded again. "Well, that depends on what you're comfortable with. I'm enjoying staying with you Liv, but if you need your space-"

"That's not why I was asking, El. I was asking because there's absolutely nothing for him at my apartment. We have to go shopping if he's going to be over more often" She said with a small smile.

"I thought you'd be more worried about what Tucker would think" He mused, lifting Eli out of the swing.

"At this point I doubt that they're going to let us work together anyway, and Tucker already knows". Even though her words implied that she had accepted their fate her expression told the truth. She was upset.

She was right, Tucker did already know. However, that didn't mean that there wasn't hope."You don't know that" He countered as he hoisted Eli up and onto his shoulders.

"Call it a hunch then" She sighed. "I believe you mentioned something about the slide?" She asked, changing the subject. They were moving forward. Maybe it was only a couple of inches at a time, but still.

* * *

Stabler Residence 6:00pm

"So then Darcey told Paul that she likes David more! He started to cry in the middle of the hallway. I felt so bad for him, but that's what he gets for being a jerk" Lizzy ranted as everyone else ate in silence.

When Olivia asked her how school was she didn't expect the answer to take ten full minutes and make no mention of academics.

"You only know half the story!" Dickie groaned. "So what really happened-"

"No one cares!" Kathleen yelled, slamming her fork down on the table.

"I'm sorry. Did you want to talk about _your_ school day?" Dickie asked Kathleen with that cocky grin that drove his sisters crazy. "Oh, that's right. You dropped out".

In that moment Olivia wished that she wasn't between the two of them. There was an open seat on the other side of the table since Maureen had skipped dinner to go out with Mark. She should have taken it while she had the chance. They were fully arguing now and the volume got so loud that no one else could understand a word they were saying.

"Enough!" Elliot yelled. "Dickie lay off your sister and Kathleen let him talk". Olivia hoped that their father's intervening would end the bickering, but it seemed to only light a fire under Dickie. The boy was too much like his father sometimes.

"Why should I listen to you? You don't live here anymore! _I'm_ the man of the house now".

Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to fight back the guilt that was bubbling in her chest. This had nothing to do with her. He was a hormonal teenager.

_It's not my fault. They've argued before. _She told herself.

"He's your father" Kathy reminded her son as she crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't know what's gotten into you lately, but I don't like it".

"Whatever" Dickie huffed as he stood, leaving his plate on the table as he stormed up the steps.

Just then Olivia's cell phone started to ring, and she was extremely thankful for the distraction. She didn't want to be rude and answer it the table, so she stood up and made her way into the living room. Really she was only twenty feet away and everyone could still see and hear her, but at least she felt less rude.

"Benson".

"Hey Liv, it's Don".

She felt her heart rate pick up. They had been waiting for this call. "Hey Cap" She said loud enough to earn Elliot's attention. Without hesitation he stood and crossed the room so that they were face to face. She moved the phone and put it on speaker, completely forgetting about Kathy and the kids. They were all staring at her now, but she didn't care.

"I take it Elliot is with you?" Her captain asked and she could hear his amusement in his tone.

"Present" Elliot said.

"I thought I'd call and let you know that you two can come back to work Monday morning".

Olivia bit her lip, trying to conceal her smile. Elliot placed a hand on her shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Are we still partners?" They asked at the same time.

"I don't know how...But yes. It was actually recommended that you stay together. I'll see you two Monday".

Olivia hung up the phone and the next thing she knew Elliot's arms were around her, holding her tight. He lifted her off the ground and spun her in a circle, making her yelp in surprise. He set her back down but didn't let go of her. She could see Kathy and the kids over his shoulder, so she pulled away from him.

"So, how about that movie?"


	17. Back to Work

**AN: Hello my lovely peeps! I hope you all are enjoying yourselves. This chapter is loosely based off of the episode Selfish from season ten. Love y'all! **

Monday, February 6th

"I never thought I'd say this, but man is it good to be back" Elliot sighed as they stepped into the elevator. Olivia shook her head in amusement as she pressed the button for their floor. It had only been two weeks, but it felt like it had been months. "I might even drink some of Munch's coffee".

"Wow, El. Today will be your first day back _and_ last day all in one" She said with wide eyes. No one ever drank Munch's coffee unless they were absolutely desperate, and even then it wasn't a pleasant experience. She playfully bumped her shoulder into his, grinning when he did back. "You sure you're ready to tell them? We'll never hear the end of this" She groaned. They had talked about their game plan at length the night before, ultimately deciding that they should tell the guys about the incident, divorce, and baby straight away. It would feel good to not have any secrets going forward, but that didn't make it any easier. The elevator stopped and the door opened, telling them that it was go time.

"Are you?" He answered with a question of his own.

"Well I only have a couple of blazers that conceal this" She said, pointing to her belly. Neither of them had answered the question they were actually asking, but it didn't matter. They would tell Munch and Fin the news, deal with all the questions and jokes, then things will go back to normal.

They made their way down the hall and rounded the corner, both of them stopped in their tracks when they saw the squadroom. Everything was rearranged. Their desks were now on the opposite side of the room, and two shiny, new desks took their old place near Cragen's office. All of the pictures and knick-knacks that were previously on their desks were now heaped in a pile where their desks joined, making Olivia clench her fists. She was far from a neat freak, but they couldn't have been the slightest bit careful?

"What the hell?" Elliot huffed as he crossed the room to his desk, sorting out their belongings.

So much for everything being normal.

"I bet you have some questions" Cragen said with an amused smile as he exited his office.

"A few" Olivia agreed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Well, we have two new detectives starting today, and I wanted to keep them close to my office so I could keep an eye on them" Cragen explained. "Maintenance moved your desks and got confused about what belonged to who, so they piled it all together".

Two new detectives.

Olivia looked at Elliot, who was giving the exact same look back to her. Why would they need two new detectives if they were back? It was hard not to be worried after coming back from a two week long suspension.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down at the floor.

Olivia could tell by his body language that they weren't going to like what he was about to say.

"I'm going to be switching everyone around for the first few weeks, that way they get a chance to learn from all four of you".

"I don't-" Elliot started, but was cut off by Olivia.

"Sounds good" She insisted, shooting Elliot a look that told him to stop. They were already skating on thin ice, and the last thing she wanted to do was complain. He didn't like the idea of her working on the field with anyone other than him because he was over protective, but he'd have to get over it. She could take care of herself. Cragen said something about grabbing their badges and guns out of his office, leaving the two of them alone in the squadroom.

"I don't like this, Liv" Elliot whispered, making her roll her eyes.

"It's only temporary" She reminded him. "You don't think they'd bring us back long enough to train the new guys and then get rid of us, right?" She asked, worry evident in her tone.

"Cragen wouldn't do that" Elliot reassured her, reaching out and giving her shoulder a squeeze. He was right. Cragen would never do that to them. Tucker? Sure, but not their captain.

She nodded, averting her eyes as she positioned the picture of her and her mother on the corner of her desk. A sad smile flashed across her face for a second as she thought about her mother. She found herself wondering what Serena's reaction to all this would have been. Would she be upset, or would she be happy to have a grandchild? She wasn't the greatest mother, or even a _good_ mother while Olivia was young, but things had gotten better between them towards the end. Maybe she wouldn't even let her mother near their child because of her past violence, but the fact that she'd never know made Olivia sad.

And just like that she remembered that there was someone rather important who hadn't the slightest clue about what was going on.

Elliot's mother.

"El, when's the last time you talked with your mother?" She asked quietly.

"Right before Kathleen's trial" He sighed, knowing where she was going with this. "I know. I know. I need to tell her, but I don't think this is a situation that I can explain over the phone. I'll go see her if we're not on call Saturday" He promised. As luck would have it, Cragen returned just as they wrapped up the conversation, handing over their guns (in their holsters) and badges.

"Hi, I'm Amanda Rollins. I'm looking for Captain Cragen" A petite blonde said, earning their attention. Cragen stepped forward, introducing himself to his new detective. Olivia looked over at Elliot, expecting him to be looking back at her, but instead he was staring at Amanda. She'd never admit this out loud but she felt a wave of annoyance crash over her as Elliot continued to stare. Of course he would stare at Amanda. She had an innocence about her, blonde hair, and she was beautiful, exactly his type. She watched as he extended his hand to the younger woman, flashing her that coy half smile he did whenever he was trying to be charming. Examining his face, Olivia found herself questioning herself. Elliot kept looking over at her out of the corner of his eye, seemingly gauging her reaction. Then it hit her.

The asshole was _trying _to make her jealous.

"Elliot Stabler" He greeted, shaking her hand for a just a second too long for Olivia's liking. What made Olivia happy was the fact that Amanda's face showed absolutely no interest in him. She was smiling politely, but nothing more. "And this is my partner-"

"Olivia Benson" She cut him off, extending her own hand and smiling. "I'll be nice to have another woman around here" She added, glancing at Elliot. "I know that you're busy Cap, so maybe Elliot could show her around?" Olivia offered. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Elliot shaking his head with an amused smile, knowing that Olivia had just won his little game.

"That's a good idea, Liv. And you can give detective Amaro the tour when he arrives".

* * *

"You know he's _loving_ this" Olivia told Elliot, using her pen to gesture to Munch and the new detective Nick Amaro on the opposite side of the room. The captain partnered Fin with Rollins first, leaving Amaro to work with Munch. He had been going on and on about some conspiracy for almost forty minutes now, and it was obvious that Amaro had no idea how to get him off the subject. Every time the younger man tried to walk away, Munch followed right behind him, refusing to let up.

"Maybe we should go help him?" Elliot asked, already knowing by the grin on her face that they wouldn't be intervening.

"No one saved me from it" She reminded him. "I can't believe we've made it through most of the day without a case" She sighed, checking the time. It was already one o'clock in the afternoon and she had caught up on all her paperwork for the first time since Christmas. They hadn't had a chance to talk to Munch and Fin yet, but it looked like they'd get done early enough that they could all grab dinner and drinks (well not her) after work.

"The guy downstairs says I need to speak with a special cop" A clearly distressed woman said as she made her way into the squadroom, earning the attention of all six detectives. Olivia looked at Elliot, who was already one step ahead of her, standing up to meet with the woman.

"We're Special Victims Unit. How can I help you?" Elliot said, leading her over to the chair next to his desk.

"I haven't seen my granddaughter in four days. She's only eleven months old" She explained as she handed the picture to Olivia.

"Does she live with you?" Elliot asked, ready to take down notes.

"My daughter went to Atlantic City with some girlfriends for the weekend. She's been home for over a day and I haven't seen my grandbaby since".

"And you think your daughter had something to do with her disappearance" Elliot said rather than asked.

"She used my car when she was away. Now Sierra's gone...And the car smells like a dead body".

* * *

"Well this is disturbing to watch" Amanda grimaced as Fin held up Maria's "baby" Scotty up in the air by his coveralls. "This woman really believes that doll is her baby?" She asked Olivia. Cragen had told Rollins and Amaro to observe the interrogation, that way they could get an idea for how they liked to do things at the Special Victims Unit. Although this one was certainly different from most...

"Yeah...Trauma can do that to a person" She sighed, watching and listening as Elliot and Fin grilled her. It was sad. Maria lost her son and was now trying to replace him with one that could never die, but he'd never grow. He'd never tell her that he loved her. He would never be more than a piece of plastic that she clung to in an attempt to cope.

* * *

They called it a night a little after six. There was nothing else they could do until the lab was finished with the shovel. Fin suggested that they all go out for a drink, and Olivia happily agreed despite the fact that she couldn't actually join them.

"What's everyone having?" Amaro asked. He insisted on buying the first round, and Olivia knew that alone was enough to get Elliot to like him. Olivia waited until everyone else gave their orders, telling him that she only wanted a water. "Oh come on, Benson. Can't hang?" Amaro teased. Munch, Fin, and Rollins joined in, asking her to have just one.

"Trust me, I want to, but I...I _can't_". She felt Elliot's hand on her leg, silently encouraging her. "I'm pregnant". They all congratulated her, making her blush.

"Who's the lucky Mr. Olivia Benson?" Munch asked, making her laugh.

"It's not like that John" She insisted. "The father and I aren't together".

"Is he someone I know?" Munch pressed, but she knew that he was only joking. Little did he know that he was actually right.

"Yes".

He gave her a confused look. "Someone we've worked with?"

"Once or twice" She tried not to smile or look over at Elliot.

"Oh, God. I know that you had a thing _years_ ago but I just have to make 's not Cassidy right?" Fin groaned.

"No. God no" Olivia insisted. "Amaro, you might want to go grab those drinks now. They're going to need them".

"I'll give you a hand" Amanda said, already standing up with a scared look on her face. Olivia hadn't meant to worry the new detective, but she'd be lying if she said she didn't find it amusing.

"Come on, Liv. Just tell us already" Elliot whined, making her laugh.

"Elliot" She said simply.

"What about him?" Munch asked, even more confused.

"I went to see Elliot when he was undercover for the Bushido case. I didn't realize that they were watching the house and I had about thirty seconds to come up with a plan that would explain my presence. So I posed as a prostitute and... And they paid to watch us sleep together". She felt herself tearing up, but she refused to let the tears fall. Not in front of the guys.

"Holy shit" Fin whispered to himself.

"What's the wife think about all this?" Munch dared to ask.

"She wasn't thrilled" Elliot started, "And she asked for a divorce, but not just because of this. We had a few problems that we never worked through and we agreed that this is what's best for us".

Olivia watched as Munch and Fin gave each other a knowing look, making her roll her eyes. She was about to tell them that it wasn't like that when Amaro and Rollins returned with the drinks. They took their seats and handed out the drinks. Once everyone had theirs Amaro raised his glass in a toast. "To Olivia".

"and Elliot" Munch added a couple of seconds later. Amanda choked on her drink, taken by surprise.

"Wow" She gasped. "That's a whole new meaning to partners for life". The group sat in a somewhat uncomfortable silence for a moment because no one was sure what to say in response to that.

Elliot took a deep breath before speaking."So...That new CSU tech, Ducky-"

"Stucky" Olivia corrected him.

"Yeah. Stucky. That guy is a total pain in the ass. O'Halleran was ready to snap when I stopped by earlier".

"He's young, El. He's probably just excited about his first big boy job" She said with a shrug.

"I don't know, Liv. Something seems off about that kid" Fin added. "But you're right. It's probably nothing".


	18. Zebras (Part One)

**AN: Hello my lovely peeps! This chapter will be posted in two parts because I think it'd just be way too long as one. Hope you enjoy!**

Monday, February 13th

"Elliot and Olivia, we have a vic in Central Park. It's slow today so take Amaro with you" Cragen ordered with a pleased look on his face. It was rare that they had a "slow" day, but now that they had some more man power it was easier to manage their caseload. Everyone was less stressed, and it felt good.

"Take Amaro with you" Nick grumbled under his breath once Cragen was back in his office. "I'm not a child".

"You're acting like one" Amanda informed him without looking up from the file in her hands. "At least you're getting out of here today" She sighed, closing the file and tossing it on her desk.

"Just go with them" Cragen called from his office, making the five detectives laugh.

* * *

They decided to take two separate cars. Olivia wound up riding along with Nick, mostly because she liked to annoy Elliot when the opportunity presented itself. They were making small talk, pointing out good places to eat on the way, when Nick changed the subject.

"So what are you doing for Valentines Day?" He asked with a small smile.

To be completely honest, she had completely forgotten about the holiday. It was only a day away, but it's not like it mattered to her anyway. "Nothing. What about you and Maria?" She asked, but not only to be polite. She wanted to get to know Amaro. He was a good cop, and it seemed like he was a good guy too.

"Cragen has me and Rollins on call, so I'm going to make Maria's favorite dinner and my mom is going to watch Zara, just in case...I'm sure Stabler has a surprise planned for you". He said the last part right as she was taking a sip out of her water bottle.

Taken by surprise, Olivia choked on her drink, spitting it out all over herself and the car. "Why would Elliot do that?" She hadn't meant to ask that out loud, but it was too late to take it back.

"You've been together for ten years and you're carrying his child. He better do something special for you" Nick chuckled.

"_Together_ for ten years?" She pressed, wondering where the hell he got that from.

"Almost eleven now, right? That's what Munch told me" Nick explained, making her groan. Of course, John was the one to tell him that. It was his way of messing with the new guy. She could only imagine what he had told Amanda.

"Well, John misinformed you. Elliot and I aren't together. He's been staying with me because his wife asked for a divorce, but that's it". She knew that the last part came out bitchier than she had intended, but at least Amaro got the message loud and clear. Even if she wished that things could be different...

"If you say so" Nick grinned, sending a surge of anger through her body. It wasn't bad enough that they had to deal with rumors for years, but now she had to deal with this newbie who thought he knew everything after a week. She was about to warn him that he was skating on thin ice when he decided that his life apparently held no value and started to talk again. "I shouldn't say anything, but now I'm thinking you need a heads up. I don't know any details, but Stabler _is_ planning something. I overheard him talking to Fin about it when he was getting coffee".

Why would he plan something for her? Nick must have misunderstood.

"You don't know what you're talking about" She told him. Thankfully he had just put the car in park, making it so she could get a quick get away.

* * *

"Stucky, what's up?" Elliot called as the four detectives approached the scene.

"Body in the bushes. Female, early beaucoup lacerations. Clothes are all slashed to hell. I'm going to go out on a limb and say sexually assaulted, but we uh...anyways, I peeped a couple of deep stab wounds, so I bet those are your C.O.D".

"All right. Thanks, Stucky" Elliot said, dismissing the eager tech. The detectives put on their gloves, preparing themselves to get to work. "We'll see you later" He added as a half-assed attempt to soften the blow. Olivia saw Stuckey step back with a disappointed look on his face, and part of her felt bad for the kid. He was only trying to impress Elliot, but he had no idea how annoying he really was.

"Thank you, Stucky. You're doing a great job" Olivia reassured him with a small smile.

Amanda found a license in the woman's wallet, telling them that she was from Kansas. "She's wearing a wedding ring" Olivia pointed out. "Probably not a robbery" She mused. Why would they leave an expensive piece of jewelry if the attack was about money?

"That is serious overkill for an unarmed woman, right? What if it's a warning? Like, she's in cahoots with the mafia but double crossed them, and now they're sending a message" Stucky theorized, making it harder for Olivia to keep standing up for him.

"Someone's hearing zebras" Elliot said to her, making her chuckle.

"Dale, did anybody ever tell you that if you hear hoof beats in Central Park, don't think zebras?" She asked him, hoping that he'd understand what they were saying.

"What, you think that guy killed her?" Stucky asked, gesturing to the cop on the horse behind him. Nick shook his head in disbelief at what he was hearing while Amanda busied herself with looking through the wallet some more while biting her lip, clearly trying to hold in a laugh.

"She means the answer is usually the simplest explanation. This here, the odds are it's a garden variety stranger rape" Elliot started to explain.

"She fought back, perp cut her up" Nick added, just in case there was still any question about what happened. He moved the victim's hand from where it rested on her forehead, exposing the message that had been written on the skin there. "Guilty?"

Olivia opened the other hand to find a pacifier. "Oh my God. She had a baby with her". The five of them spread out, searching for her baby. Amaro ran up the small hill to get a better view, immediately spotting a stroller by the tunnel.

"Liv, by the tunnel!" He yelled, already making his way down to help her. All five of them ran over to the tunnel, but Amanda got there first.

"He's alive!" She announced, relieved that whoever killed the mother spared the child. "Innocent" She read off of the toddler's forehead.

"Maybe we are looking for a zebra" Olivia sighed, looking over at Elliot who was giving her the same one.

* * *

"How did this case go from up and shut to _this_?" Olivia groaned as she took a seat in her desk chair. Stucky had screwed up the paperwork when he processed Harrison's DNA and the victim's, trashing the entire case. Then to make matters worse he threw a tantrum in court, claiming that he didn't contaminate it, which only helped to embarrass himself more. Judge Donelly had ripped him a new one in a room full of people, but even then the kid wasn't getting the picture. Elliot chewed him out on the courthouse steps, and while Olivia didn't disagree with him, she felt bad for Stucky. He was clearly upset, so she told him that everyone screws up and they'd figure out how to fix it. It had been a long day. Harrison had killed two more people, one of them being the only person that had ever cared for him, but at least O'halleran found a mosquito in the car. They'd be able to nail him once they ran the DNA. There was nothing else they could do until they had the results, so everyone went home, leaving the two of them alone.

"Stucky" Elliot informed her matter of factly as he made his way over to the coffee pot, reminding her of the conversation she had with Nick in the car. She wanted to bring it up, but she didn't want Elliot to get mad at Amaro. Much to her surprise, Elliot had taken a liking to the younger detective and she wasn't about to ruin that."I don't want to talk about this case anymore today" He told her.

"Then what _do_ you want to do?" She asked him, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back in her chair. And just like that, the mood had shifted to a much lighter, playful one.

"Do you really want to know?" He challenged her, crossing the room so that he could sit on her desk. She simply nodded in response, waiting for him to continue. "I want to get out of here, grab some takeout, go home-" He paused for a moment, noticing how her eyes widened the slightest bit when he referenced her apartment as home. "Get in bed and watch TV with my girls until we fall asleep".

Thank God she was sitting because her knees would have gone weak. He said _my girls_. He was talking about her and their baby. To most women his request might have sounded like another boring night in, but to her? It sounded perfect.


End file.
